


Let’s play chess.

by ael_ys



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Slow Burn, eighth year, enemies to friend to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 13:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ael_ys/pseuds/ael_ys
Summary: Knowing what to do with your life is hard when you just fought a war. Ron comes to Hogwarts thinking Harry, Hermione and he will find an adventure but the new year is not going to let that happen. The Slytherins are mad, Neville is at loss and Ron is still unsure of his role.





	1. Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so I may have made a lot of mistakes, sorry for that...  
It’s my first fanfic, I haven’t read the books since a few years so the characters can be a out-of-character.  
Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: When I said it was slow-burn I meant the first fifty pages don’t even have Draco in them and he is supposed to be my second male lead... Kinda hesitating to have Neville become the one now... Anyway for the new readers. Be warned I guess!

Ron sighed. He was bored. Hermione was still with her parents and Harry left to help rebuild Hogwarts, leaving their friend alone in the Burrow. 

Ron had missed his home. It felt good to be back. But walking down the stairs made him uncomfortable, walking in front of the twins room made his heart ache, any step taken in the house felt like torture. He wasn’t the only person to feel that way. George slept on the sofa of the living room since he came home. Molly had ended up moving a mattress in the room for her son.

It felt suffocating to stay with everyone. 

The guilt, the grief bore by the Weasleys made the house grim. Ron loved his family dearly but their sight quickly became too much for him too handle. He couldn’t even bring himself to look up at George without feeling the urge to cry. The faces of the dead haunted in those of the living.

Sometimes when he was in his room he would weep. When Harry was still here he wouldn’t, Harry already had enough on his plate. Ron knew the boy felt even more guilty than any of them. Hermione would probably have found a way to help everybody, but she wasn’t here and she needed her parents. Ginny tried her best to make everyone happy, or at least make them continue to live. Ron knew how hard it was for her, especially since her and Harry broke up. 

They didn’t tell anybody yet. Ron happened to overhear their discussion, it was calmer than his and Hermione’s. Both couples didn’t have the same reasons: Harry and Ginny couldn’t really stand each other after the war, Harry was drowning in his guilt and Ginny was trying to go forward; as for them… It was hard to think about it. 

Hermione sat down with him one afternoon, it was rainy as if the world wanted to set the mood. She seemed especially serious. She had put one of her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. The words that came out of her mouth felt unreal. Ron honestly believed everything was fine between them, until he had to stop to think about it.

They were tired, exhausted, after the war, but they would often stay together, talk, snog, sometimes they would shag but they mostly they stayed in bed sleeping in each other’s arms. He knew something was off nevertheless, he saw it in the saw they looked at each other, in the way the spoke, their kisses were short almost done as a duty . They were exhausted and sustaining their relationship was the least of their priorities. 

He knew it but he was angry. He cried, implored but in the end it was the right decision. He was grateful Hermione was brave enough to confront him. She probably was the bravest of them all at that time. She had gone out after the war, helping wherever she could. Harry took his time but he did too. 

Only Ron was stuck in his room. 

He was bored, secluded, tired. His muscles were tense, always, maybe forever. He had never felt the adrenaline, Hermione told him about this hormone, in his body leave. And if he was being honest he probably would say it never did. 

He did not have a lot to do in the Burrow though so it stayed in him, it accumulated. He barely left his room for anything else than eating. And he would not even eat that much. Molly stopped nagging after a while. She would still say something from time to time, in a worried voice but not as loud as it used to be. 

Molly and Arthur were tired too. All of them were tired. Some coped better than others: Ginny and Molly worked to make the house warm and cozy again, Bill was with Fleur, Arthur tried to work. Charlie came back for a while but he left quite quickly probably because everybody was gloomy and he knew, in fact they all knew, that they needed to get back to normal. Percy was also working but Ron knew the loss of Fred particularly hit him. 

Not as much as George. Nobody could be as hurt as George. He was lonely and did not open the shop again, Ron wasn’t sure his brother would even open before the new school year. 

Sometimes, when they would eat, he would start saying something and leave his sentence unfinished, as an habit. The end never came. 

They tried to finish it but it was useless to try to cover up the emptiness left behind. 

Mourning was hard. Ron couldn’t do it. He did not try to keep himself busy, he did not try to think about it either. 

He wasn’t lonely, high up in the sanctuary that was his bedroom. Ron quite liked being on his own, growing up with so many siblings made him crave those moments alone in his bed as much as the lively sound of the Burrow. For once in his life he found himself truly alone and he did not know what to do with all this time on his own. 

Hermione had sent him a few books, muggle books and wizards’ ones. The muggle books proved to be quite entertaining but Ron rarely finished them. He had put them in a bag. He wasn’t sure why. Or maybe he did but he just didn’t want to really think about it. He wanted to think about quidditch. Or chess. 

He didn’t have anybody to play with him so he had tried different ways to get the pieces to play on their own but after almost blowing up one of them he gave up. He did owl Harry to ask him if the library at Hogwarts could be of any help but Harry did not find anything interesting and asking Hermione felt a bit awkward. 

At the beginning of August Ron got an owl from Hermione. Her letter informed him she was going to apparate in Hogsmeade on the thirteenth of August to help Harry and the other students that came back . Ron was surprised that Hermione was already going to leave her family. 

Maybe it was time for him to leave too. Unconsciously he already packed his bag plus staying in the Burrow was unproductive. At least he would have something to do in the castle. He would finally be needed, have a task.

Ron went downstairs, it was late but Arthur wasn’t back yet so Molly had not called the children over for dinner. She seemed calm, her frantic glances toward the clock slowly decreased in number, perhaps it was finally time to be at peace.

“Mum, Hermione sent an owl. She is going to Hogwarts, to help with the rebuilding.”

Molly was sat on a chair in the kitchen. The food was already on the table, kept warm by a charm. She had looked up to her son, smiling widely.

“That’s very nice of her, I suppose you would like to join them too?”

Ron felt his face flush a little. He did not want to seem ungrateful. Molly would probably understand though.

“Yes, I would like to. But only if that doesn’t bother you. If you need me I could stay.”

Molly laughed softly. She took her son in her arms. Her hugs were always calming, he loved to be hugged by Molly. 

“Ronald, it’s not like you are doing something here as much as you want to , you can’t hide anything from me so don’t deny it. Just tell me when you plan to go and how? I don’t need anything else, you should be free to do as you want like your brothers before you. I don’t know how to feel about this eighth year, reluctant probably, but I trust you.”

Ron did not really think about the trip. He could not apparate there without his license, especially since he was not any good at it. The Hogwarts Express would only come for the new term. He could only think of one thing.

“I guess I could use my broom– he was hesitant– otherwise I will have to bother someone.”

Molly frowned a little. She probably did not like this idea but she said nothing. After all Ron came of age, he was responsible for himself. This thought could have done a better job at appeasing her if she did not know about his shenanigans.

“And it’s probably better if I can go before Hermione so it would be easier for everyone to get used to us. So maybe I could leave on the eighth, it leaves us three days.”

Molly simply nodded. Ginny, who was in the living room with George, came in.

“What about me, she asked innocently, can I go?”

Molly glared at her. Her eyes said a lot already.

“You, young lady, are staying here. Don’t think that I forgot about your grades.”

Ron tried to keep his laugh in his throat. Ginny was an incredible witch, it was ridiculous that Molly wanted her to excel in every subject. Her grades in Charms were enough for Ron to tell that this nagging was totally unfounded.

“I’m home!”

Arthur voice came from the entry. Ginny smiled and sat with her mother. Soon the family was happily digging in the food.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Ron was thirsty. It was a bit late and he was wide awake. He had tried to read, the book he chose was a potion book. It wasn’t that interesting but at first it did a good job at making him sleepy until he thought about Snape. Snape made him think about Hogwarts, the new teachers, the old teachers, the new year, the ones that went by. The students. The war. 

He was very deep in his thoughts when he heard a noise. It was a creak. He stood up, his heart was racing. He grabbed his wand and held it defensively in front of him. No more noises seemed to be heard. He was going crazy. Nothing could happen now. He-who-must-not-be-named was dead, Ron was safe.

He decided to go down, drink and maybe grab some food. It would help him calm down. He casted Lumos and tried to walk down the stairs silently. As he got closer to the kitchen he heard voices. Molly and Arthur were talking.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea, his father asked, he doesn’t seem ready.”

Ron tried to look at they without getting caught. Harry’s invisibility cloak would have been useful. Molly sighed, she was knitting but her eyes were focused on her husband.

“I am not, and I don’t want him to leave, she said calmly, but he doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

She seemed determined. Her eyes were glittering, she was going to stand her ground. Ron knew how strong-willed his mother was.

“We all saw it. It still feels a little early. I am scared, you still fear that You-know-who is going to come back. Hogwarts proved not to be safe.”

Ron felt strange hearing Arthur and Molly talk like this. 

“Ron… He is a brave boy, Molly explained, he did his best. He deserves to be free now. The burden we imposed on them was far too heavy. Now they have to create a better world.”

When Molly has said his name he thought he had been found out. Fright had taken over his body but it slowly changed to surprise as he calmed down. It felt clear now. What he was feeling since the beginning of the holidays. His mother had just put it in words.

“I trust you. It’s just that sometimes I feel his threat, looming over us, and I can’t convince myself it’s going to be okay.”

She smiled faintly, a sad smile, one used to comfort someone.

“I know.”

She left her knitting to hug her husband tightly. Arthur snuggled his head in Molly’s hair. She giggled while stroking his bright hair.

“It tickles.”

She looked at him with the same enamoured eyes as they had years ago. He hummed a song. They looked happy. Maybe Ron did not really need to drink, he could just go to bed.


	2. Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron does not know how to handle feelings, especially others’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to make the story easier to follow by dividing one big chapter into three small ones, this is the first one. Don’t hesitate to point out a mistake.   
Enjoy!

Ron tried to find Harry amidst the locals walking around. There wasn’t a lot of people in Hogsmeade when Hogwarts was closed so it did not take him long before he spotted his friend with his messy black hair. Harry seemed to have noticed the ginger too as he walked toward him with a wide grin on his face.

“Mate! It’s been a while.”

Ron could not agree more. The last time they saw each other wasn’t so long ago but it felt like years already went by, or maybe only a few days. It was confusing since Ron spend most of his time sleeping.

“It has, how have you been?”

They started walking toward the castle. The air was quite hot, Ron was already sweating.

“Good, we missed you here. Neville is eager to see you. You won’t believe how far we already came with the renovations. And a lot of our progress is Tracey Davis’ work. She’s a Slytherin. Quite nice. She is good at planning basically everything, I will introduce you to her. Well even if I don’t, she’s in charge of giving everyone a job to do. You’ll see, she’s really kind and her advices are always clear and easy to understand.”

Harry seemed to like the girl. Even though she was a Slytherin. Ron thought maybe she wasn’t so bad. 

“Sure. Is there any other Slytherin coming back for this eighth year?”

Ron immediately regretted asking that. Harry frowned. He probably thought Ron didn’t want to see the Slytherins, which wasn’t entirely false he had to admit, but he still wanted to be as friendly as possible. Otherwise Hermione would probably hex him or simply kill him. She emphasised how they should be welcoming to them since the Slytherins suffered great losses. As if they did not.

“Well, Tracey said that maybe they should not come back at all, those who sent her owls aren’t sure if they want to come. It’s going to be hard if they do. Malfoy, Nott and Goyle are likely to avoid coming here, their family can send them abroad anyway. But I still believe they’re stubborn arseholes so we may see them soon. Zabini is going to come back, well according to Hermione. She seems to be pretty sure about it.”

Ron felt his body tense, Zabini was a prat. He did not want him to be back. 

“Why is Hermione aware of Zabini’s whereabouts, Ron pointed out jealously, what about the Gryffindors, who’s back?”

Ron hoped Fay Dunbar would be here. They had never talked much but she liked Quidditch and she wanted to be an Auror so it would be nice to chat with her during this new year. The other girls were boring but he missed the boys, they had fun before everything became a mess.

“Well, Fay and Parvati are coming back, according to Hermione, but the others... Anyway, they probably won’t come before the big day. Dean and Seamus are coming from time to time but they can’t stay with us.”

Ron had almost forgotten about Lavender and Fay’s friend. They died. The new year promised to be though for the girls. Only three of them remained and they never really interacted with each other before.

“Who is here for now?”

Harry hesitated.

“Neville and Tracey but you already know, Roger Malone the Hufflepuff, Lisa Turpin from Ravenclaw, and Susan Bones and Michael Corner. And a couple of others from other years. You’ll get used to them soon enough, if you have an issue you can tell Tracey.”

Ron did not like Malone, he was a prick. On the bright side Susan and Michael were nice and they were part of the D.A. The only ones he did not really know were Davis and Turpin.

“You seem to like that Davis girl.”

Ron did not know Harry’s face could become redder than his own hair.

“She’s kind, that’s all there is. And I am dating Ginny in case you’ve forgotten”

Ron made a face. Harry seriously took too much pleasure in bringing up the fact that he had something going on with his sister. But it was the past now. He felt guilty about knowing this. Harry was not going to tell him so he had to confront him with it.

“I know you broke up. Ginny did not tell me, don’t worry. I know because I heard you two when you talked.”

Harry’s face went white. It seemed he had become some kind of Metamorphomagus. His skin was probably going to turn blue soon if Ron kept talking to him.

“I see.”

Ron did not want to ask his friend for more information. If Harry did not want to talk about it he had to respect his privacy.

“Let’s get going, I am so hungry!”

Harry laughed. He seemed to have gone back to normal. 

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Neville squeezed Ron into a hug. In second year when the boy was still chubby it was nice but now he was a strong young man and his hugs seemed more like he was trying to kill him. Harry was an accomplice and a traitor, he waved at Ron and left. 

“Neville, please release me! I have a family! What can they do without me?”

The blonde laughed while he let him go . When Harry said Neville was eager to see him he meant Neville truly eager to see him. 

“How are you doing? Hogwarts is not the same without my roommates! I hope Dean and Seamus will visit soon so we can be reunited again. I miss being with you.”

“I’m fine. I miss those two, I need someone to annoy with my snoring and without them I can only have Harry and you. I wish I came earlier. How is your grandma?”

Neville scratched his neck and avoided Ron’s eyes. 

“She died. In July.”

Ron took a minute to process what Neville said. When he understood he took Neville in his arms. It felt like the right thing to do but Neville quickly stepped back.

“I’m okay. It’s been a tough year, hasn’t it?”

Ron nodded. He had never been very good at talking with people and comforting them so he was thankful he did not need to right now.

“I am going in the kitchen, do you want to come?”

Neville agreed. They walked down in silence. Ron felt like his friend wanted to tell him something, he started to open his mouth a few times before closing it again.

“Do you have something on your mind? You seem preoccupied... Neville, you can tell me everything. Sometimes it helps to talk, that’s what Hermione thinks at least.”

Neville let out a soft giggle. He seemed serene, maybe he would feel safer and finally say what he kept hidden.

“I do actually. But it’s a bit hard to say. You wouldn’t tell your mate that you’re gay in a calm and casual way, would you? It would end up being really awkward between the two of you. I think you can understand what I mean.”

Neville looked at him expectantly. They had stopped walking in the middle of a corridor.

“Yeah, I understand. Wait... What? You’re gay? Did you just say it casually?”

Ron was really slow, he hated how slow he was. 

“Yes, I am. I already told everyone else: Harry, Dean and Seamus. You are the only one I still haven’t come out to.”

Ron was a bit bewildered. In a way he kind of expected that, Neville did not partake in the conversation about girls they had thorough the years but he would comment on the boys with them. 

“How did you figure it out?”

It was a dumb question. Ron always asked dumb questions somehow.

“Well, I always sort of knew... But I was sure of it before… Well, before I had sex for the first time.”

Ron immediately put his hands over his ears. He really did not want to hear Neville talk about his sexual life. Somehow the blonde seemed happy of his reaction. He pat his back and continued their walk.

“Sometimes it takes a while to discover your sexuality, a friend told me one of their mates still hasn’t figured out he is gay even though he is our age. Some even discover it very late in their life as an elderly person. Some are open about it and some people want to keep it secret. I want to be discreet about it. I told you because it’s still an important part of me but please keep it a secret.”

Ron was a bit at loss. He was glad Neville trusted him with his secret though. 

“Why did you choose to tell me?”

It wasn’t very smooth. Neville was not going to get mad but it would be understandable if he did. At first he just shrugged but Ron looked at him to have a concise answer.

“I don’t know, I told Dean and Seamus because I know they’re queerer than I am, Harry because he had kind of guessed, I just thought you wouldn’t mind. If you want me to be honest, well you give off a very queer vibe yourself.”

Ron wasn’t sure what this word, queer, meant. It felt like an insult, it probably was one, but it also felt welcoming. He never felt like this toward a word. He felt like a new world opened before him.

He really needed to ask Neville or Harry what it meant. But for now he only had food in mind.


	3. Quidditch team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron meets new faces and feels deceived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am starting school again so I probably won’t update regularly or often, if you want to know about my next update I created a tumblr account (ael-ys) to promote my work and also be able to keep track of my progress and maybe share my research process because I actually spend more time researching than writing.   
I updated this as soon as I finished it, I hope you will enjoy it.   
Don’t hesitate to point out a mistake.

The afternoon was short. Ron barely got anything done before dinner. 

He had met Davis but she was busy and only gave him instructions to follow to rebuild some desks and chairs. It was boring, the only thing he had to do was to say the same things over and over and wave his wand in a difficult pattern he ended up knowing and doing without even looking at his wand. He was not very good at it though, he was slower than the fifth year who was assigned the same task. 

To keep himself entertained he tried to learn more about Davis. He saw her a few times walking around, giving instructions, tips and helping out when she could. It felt like she was waltzing, she was wearing dirty robes but it was breathtaking how the thin fabric would move gracefully along with the girl.

She was quite small but beautiful. Of course he expected that from a Slytherin, even if some were not naturally beautiful they substituted it by a irreproachable behaviour. She had both beauties and it was quite obvious when you saw her. 

Her hair was silky and blonde, it seemed very smooth. Her eyes were blue like his except that hers were a deeper shade of blue, darker, like a raging sea. Her skin was immaculate, he wondered if she had a single scar. She probably didn’t live in a way that got her injuried as she was a Slytherin.

Ron was able to catch a glimpse of Harry and Davis next to each other as they talked about Harry’s work, an armour. They looked good together in a contrasting way: Harry was the embodiment of darkness, his hair was blacker than ink and his skin was tanned from going out often only his eyes were green; while she was an innocent child, as pure as the colour white with her fair skin, light hair and blue eyes. 

Ron thought that he didn’t feel like puking when he saw them; and at least it was not his sister so he would not mind if Harry wanted to date her. Except if she was a cow, and that could only be verified by actually talking to her.

Therefore when Harry came to eat dinner with him, Ron chose to sit with Davis if he could. 

Harry told him she often stayed with Turpin and Neville. When the boys entered the great hall, the three of them were idly chatting while giving out food to everyone. Each girl held a basket and handed out small lunch boxes with scribbles on top of them to the students. Neville held two others baskets which seemed bigger and heavier. One was hidden by a small cloth, maybe the teachers’.

“I did not realise their absence until now, the teachers’, are they even here?”

Mcgonagall would certainly never let her students on their own, after all those years of teaching she probably knew better. Ron came at one and it was currently nine yet he still had not seen a single teacher or adult, not even the Headmistress which was suspicious. 

“Apparently they work on the Common Rooms, Harry explained in-between two yawns, the Gryffindors’ tower is completely off limits. I tried to sneak into the room while wearing my cloak but there were wards; it probably applies to the other dormitories. They will come in eventually to grab some food. Don’t worry.”

Ron was not worried, it just made him a bit confused how they could leave them on their own. They were more children than actual adults who came of age and they were alone. At least Davis was in charge of them, he did not understand why but it really felt like she only did what the adults could not do.

“Harry, she screamed from across the room, come help out!”

Harry hastened toward the blonde. Ron followed, he took one basket from Neville’s hands, the blonde looked grateful. Ron began distributing the food. The scribbles he saw were actually names. He found a box for Susan Bones which was with Michael and Malone. Both of the boys already had their boxes and seemed to enjoy eating, ignoring the looks Susan gave them. After handing out her box, he found himself a bit lost, most of them were for students he did not know.

Neville helped him locate each person and deliver their dinner safely. Once they finished Neville put the last basket, the one with the cloth, on the teachers’ table. Suddenly Ron realised it was the only table in the Grand Hall. Everyone was either sitting on the floor or had walked away after they got their food.

The blonde saw that Ron observed the room as if he something was missing and he had to look for it.

“They are very secretive. We don’t know anything, even if we ask they won’t tell us. Every space where we were separated by our Houses is off limits. It’s frustrating, not being able to see the place you grew up. I hope they don’t pull a Eighth year Common Room on us. It is hard enough to get everyone to stay still here, and we aren’t even ten so imagine thirty to forty of us.”

His eyes immediately shifted toward Malone. Ron was glad somebody understood him, once he was mad the Hufflepuff could even send the killing curse. Ron already fought with him once, after he heard him insult Hermione, and since he avoided Malone. It was a waste that Malone was so hot-tempered because he could have been a good dueller.

“Okay, let’s go eat.”

Neville put his hand on arm. Ron took a step back when he did, freeing himself from the blonde’s cold hand. Neville’s hand was almost cold enough to freeze Ron’s skin.

“Are you even alive mate? You are so cold it’s difficult to tell.”

Neville winced. Ron took his friend’s hand between his. He could not prevent himself from shivering when the coldness spread to his own body. The hands did not seem to get any warmer and after a while Neville freed his hand by shaking it while glancing around.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it. Thanks for your concern anyway.”

Neville led him in a spacious alcove where a small boy was sleeping on a kind of sofa. Ron realised Neville had two boxes in his hands plus his own. He put them on a big wooden plate in the centre of the alcove.

“Wake up Niall, Neville whispered while slowly moving the boy’s shoulder, it’s time to eat.”

The boy jolted awake and grabbed his wand, pointing the boys with it. He looked horrified when he realised who he was threatening.

“I’m sorry, he managed to stutter more for Neville than for Ron.”

Neville smiled warmly for the boy in a way he never did to anyone. He looked like a big brother and Ron had seen a lot of big brothers being the youngest of six boys.

“This is my friend Ron, he is also a Gryffindor. Ron this is Niall, he is a fourth year, please be kind to him.”

Niall looked frail. He was bony and his face looked alarmed. His hair was long and thin. It seemed almost grey because of its light colour. He still had his wand up but he lowered in a very very slow way. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you Ron, I am a Slytherin but I firmly believe this encounter can blossom in something close to friendship if we can ignore our Houses’ ridiculous rivalry. I hope you can take care of me.”

Obviously the boy had to be a Slytherin. Ron should have known, his robes were brand new and expensive-looking, he had a girly face and a very noble air. He almost looked like Malfoy in first year, small and cute, well until he spoke. Ron hoped Niall was less narcissistic than his look-alike. 

“Why are you here? It’s safer outside.”

Ron should really watch his mouth. It sounded mean but he was genuinely curious. With their reputation, the Slytherins were better off hiding. Tracey seemed pretty strong so he did not worry about her but this fragile thing was more likely to be bullied. 

“I can not go back home yet. Some circumstances make it impossible for me to leave Hogwarts.”

It was a simple answer, probably hiding secrets he could not tell but Ron could do with it. He was never that curious when it came to people.

“How’s your back?”

Neville sat down next to him. Ron settled down in front of them where three stools were occupying the space left. The boy took his box, when he opened it he looked content. It had tons of meat in it, most of it was rare or raw.

“It is much better, I went to see Madam Pomfrey. She was ready to hex me when she saw the blood on the shirt. I swear I never saw her face this red before! When she finished healing me she sat me down with her and started talking about mental health. She thinks I am some bloody loony.”

Neville forced him to take off his robes to inspect a gigantic wound starting near his neck and only ending at his waist. It was not bleeding and it was very well healed but it would leave an ugly scar.

“Is that caused by a werewolf’s attack?”

Ron had seen this kind of scratches on his brother’s face. This one looked pretty fresh so maybe it could get even better and become less visible if treated by the right people. But Madam Pomfrey already did her best apparently and wounds caused by werewolves’ attacks always left scars.

“Yeah, my friend suffer from lycanthropy. Unfortunately he scratched me when he transformed earlier today. Please don’t make such a face. It is fairly better than before.”

The boy looked quite calm, he seemed used to it. He put his robes back on. Ron was a bit ashamed of thinking that but he looked the boy better without his clothes on, he was more like him, more ashamed and less confident. 

“Neville, I think I will have to go see some relatives. I need to have this erased from my body. I thought about going back home for a day, I have to get some money from my safe in Gringotts anyway. I need someone to apparate me there, should I ask Tracey or are you able to do it?”

The first thing that went through Ron’s head was that this boy was a brat, he was condescending and did not care about being really polite, it was only a facade. Then he thought about the fact that he was probably a great friend anyway, he took risks to make sure his friend was safe during the full moon and it backfired yet he seemed composed and did not held a grudge. 

“I can’t, you should ask Tracey. Who are you planning to visit? Please don’t tell me you will visit them.”

Niall shrugged and started picking on his skin as if he tried to get something off it. Neville looked at him harshly, he was obviously furious of the boy’s silence.

“Where are the others anyway? We can’t start eating without Tracey.”

Ron remembered he was supposed to wait for Harry. It was too late to go back now but he would probably be mad. In the end they would still have dinner together.

“They won’t take long, I think Tracey needed to get something from the library before the teachers closed everything.”

Ron did not know why they had to wait to them. He wanted to dig in but the boys did not eat anything yet. His stomach growled. He turned red but the others did not say anything, either they were ignoring the sound out of kindness or they just did not hear it. 

They started talking about some herbs needed for a potion. Ron understood it was Wolfsbane Potion. He only knew it had Aconite in it which was why it was named Wolfsbane Potion, Aconite and Wolfsbane, and Monkshood, being words for a mundane purple flower used in Potions. Ron knew it because he remembered quite vividly how Snape used the various names of the plant to humiliate Harry in first year. 

“Hullo everyone.”

Turpin’s voice was sweet and warm. It made Ron crave tea. The hunger really got to him. She sat next to him and pushed his stool a little on the side to leave more space for the person who would dit here. She was unexpectedly strong, she managed to move it without Ron even moving. Right after her came Harry who looked exhausted. He crashed on Neville’s side and started whining about Davis’s inhumane treatment.

“I swear to God that girl is trying to kill! She made me lift a bloody statue across the castle, and I completely forgot I could levitate it, so now my arms are killing me.”

Davis came in while laughing, she probably heard Harry’s rant. Ron smirked, she seemed exactly the kind of person he would get along with, teasing Harry was a bliss. She made herself comfy by sitting almost on Lisa. She saw the intact lunch boxes.

“You did not start eating, she remarked while raising an eyebrow, Niall?”

He did not acknowledge her comment but he quickly put a piece of meat in his mouth as chewed it while staring at her. Lisa started to peel a boiled egg, her lunch box had not meat in it, only veggies and fruits and this one egg. She told Neville about a squirrel she was able to observe when she was on holidays with her parents in the Alps and she complimented the muggle architecture visibly quite impressed by the chalets she was able to admire.

Everyone started to chat about nothing and everything at once. The Slytherins often bumped heads, never agreeing on anything. Tracey, she encouraged Ron to call her by her first name, was very casual, she talked like any other teenager, while maintaining her posh appearance while Niall looked terrible, honestly he looked like a werewolf but after the full moon, and acted haughty. The way he spoke really got on Ron’s nerves, he seriously sounded like grandpa, it felt like it wasn’t even his own words.

Harry did not seem to mind the fourth year and his mean comments. There were a lot of insults and cutting remarks or his parodies. He would sometimes laugh at them, they could be fun, like when he imitated Lord Vold– He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named trying to smell the change in a potion as a student. Sometimes he would comment on something concerning them or their friends though and both Harry and Ron would need to gather all their strength not to hex the bloody prat.

“Oh, Niall, Tracey screeched, have you heard about Princess and Dray? She was frantic when she learnt about him and... Well. Nevermind.”

Ron could have sworn she stopped talking after Neville gave her a bad look but after that everything went back to normal as Harry asked Niall if he liked Quidditch. He did, he actually played as a seeker and he was pretty good according to himself but an eye-roll from Tracey confirmed Ron’s theory that he was in fact not so good. 

“It’s too bad that the eighth years aren’t allowed on the field, I would have loved to play against you!”

Ron stopped suddenly. The food he was chewing fell out his mouth. Lisa screeched and the food suddenly stopped in its fall, staying in the air.

“We aren’t what?”

Harry looked at him guiltily. He knew, and he did not tell him. The bloody traitor had sent so many owls and they spent the day in the same place yet he stayed silent. 

“Why did you not tell me that Harry?”

As he suspected the flying food was Harry’s work, and as soon as he finished talking it fell. Ron’s voice was deeper than he meant it to be, it made him sound wrathful which probably caused Harry to loose focus. Even if he was mad the ginger had to keep calm. Maybe Harry had his reasons.

“You never asked and I never had the occasion to tell you. And if I did you would probably be mad, I was scared you would consider not coming back. It was selfish of me but I decided it was best not to tell you, I don’t have an excuse. I suck.”

Ron was hurt. He wanted to scream at him. It was so easy to say it, it could have been in a letter. And if Harry asked him to come back, with or without Quidditch, he would. 

Everyone seemed embarrassed, even with the outburst being over, it was still awkward to talk.

“We aren’t entirely forbidden to play, Tracey clarified, Mcgonagall said the eighth years could have a team if they wanted. We can only play friendly matches though, it won’t even matter.”

Ron felt a bit relieved, but his head ached a little. Perhaps it was linked to the disappointment he felt. Harry lied to him, it was a white lie but a lie nevertheless.

“You can be the Seeker, Ron told Harry a bit resentfully, I can be the Keeper, Fay can play as a Beater but there’s still the Chasers and a Beater missing...”

Everyone looked at him with big eyes, his mood changed so quickly. Quidditch was really important for him if he was already trying to assemble a team. 

“Do you remember the other Houses, Lisa asked exasperatedly, they must have players too!”

Ron realised he did not think about them but he didn’t know who would be here when school started. Even if everyone was back they weren’t sure the others would agree to join the team.

“Well, who will be back? Because I can’t make a team without the members being on the field.”

They started thinking, except Niall who didn’t know the eighth years in the other Houses apart from his own.

“Malfoy is a Seeker too, Harry said, Goyle played in the Beater position so that makes 5 of us. I think I heard about Nott being reserve one year so only one to go. But there isn’t any other player in our year... Ouch.”

Neville had hit him with his elbow. He looked pissed and Ron took a few minutes to understand. Harry did not unravel the reason for Neville’s anger, he felt wrongly punished and said so when Ron was still ruminating on the blow and what caused it.

“Dean! The bloody wanker! He did play as a Chaser. I must confess I completely forgot about him. But I wasn’t his captain so not my fault!”

Harry laughed at Ron’s reaction. Neville rolled his eyes, the two boys made him downcast. They forgot about their friend, who played with them on multiple occasions, who was part of the Gryffindor’s team but they knew about Fay who wasn’t even part of the team.

The good news was that there were enough players to form a team, possibly going to fall apart quickly but even one match would make Ron happy. The team was all Gryffindor and Slytherin so fights were going to be inevitable and they had two Seekers and only one qualified Chaser.

“So we have a team! Well, as long as everyone comes back. If they don’t I swear by Merlin I will start a new war.”

Ron was shoved aside by Lisa and everyone made fun of the future Dark Lord, Dork Lord or whatever evil name he could come up with


	4. Late night talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron finds himself awake during the night and he hears something he isn’t supposed to hear. Harry talks about love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled to even make this chapter available this week so I will probably post once every two weeks.  
I wasn’t very careful with the typos and everything.  
It seems Ron is basically as good at dealing with people as me, good luck mate.
> 
> I will try to post my progress on tumblr.  
My username is ael-ys

It was around one in the morning when Ron was woken up by somebody sobbing. He was used to people screaming and crying in their sleep; Harry did it all the time before, in the dorms since the first year, in the Burrow during the holidays, outside, the nightmares never left him. Since the war it got worse, everyone had a perturbed sleep, eventually Ron got used to hearing shrieks and squeals. He was indifferent to those sounds now.

But this time it was a girl, probably a young one, and Ron thought about Ginny. If Ginny was crying somewhere and someone heard her, it was unlikely because his sister was usually the one doing the comforting, but if she did Ron would be reassured if he knew this person was here for her. Ron had to look for this girl and help her, it was his duty as an older brother. He casted Lumos, hoping it would not wake anybody up and got on his feet.

The wailing sound came from the Great Hall where they all slept but Ron did not know where exactly and the room was bigger than he remembered. He roved around the sleeping silhouettes hoping to somehow stumble upon the weeping girl. It was a difficult task, he had to be very quiet and not get to close to the peaceful faces.

He did found the girl after pattering over the table. He heard girl’s sobs getting closer as he approached the wooden furniture, she was over this side of the room. He surveyed the area but everyone seemed asleep, some were even slightly snoring, luckily nothing too loud and obnoxious. 

He examined the table as a last resort. It could hide a small kid but surely nobody would hide behind that if they were eleven or older, they would be too tall and too large to stay unnoticed. Unless...

Ron tried to follow the noise. It was harder than before, the noise was close but it did not become more distant as he walked around, or if it did the difference was not big enough to tell.

“Can you please show yourself...”

The sobbing stopped suddenly. A tiny head appeared with a hand holding a piece of fabric. The girl had an invisibility cloak. She was wearing her uniform even though everyone was in more casual clothes, some even had athletic wear.

Ron sat down on her side quietly. She was looking at him with big, anguished eyes. Ron helped her to sit properly, she seemed a bit sore from sitting In an uncomfortable position for a while, it probably meant she stayed here for a while. Ron saw she tried her best not to weep but the sparkles in her eyes betrayed her. 

“It’s okay to cry. Sometimes you need it.”

She immediately started to cry again. Her lips were trembling as her agony left through her strangled noises. Her eyes were red, like rubies, probably because she kept touching and rubbing them with her tiny hands to wipe the tears away. Her attempts to do so were unsuccessful so Ron summoned a tissue. 

She gratefully accepted the precious object with a sniff. Ron smiled and rubbed her back, well he tried to rub where her back was supposed to be but he wasn’t sure that worked and with the absence of an actual body it was a bit hard to see what he touched. It seemed to be a little bit effective as she slowly became calmer.

“Do you cry, she asked in her innocent tone, not like a few tears you shed once every moon but a really bad, babyish, crying?”

Ron could not help but laugh. He cried, it was hard to sleep without crying when he was haunted by nightmares. His sobs were pathetic little sounds, still halfway stuck in his throat, not really ready to leave it.

“Everyone cries. We are all hurt, it’s never going to be the same again. We fought for our lives or more exactly for those we loved. When we went on the battlefield, it was just us and Death, her fluttering wings awaited us eagerly. It welcomed even the bravest of our kin. And now we are left with our regrets.”

She simply nodded, in a very subtle way, almost unnoticeable for it was a slow movement. Ron knew she did it because her hair moved a little making a soft rustling sound. Her eyes were still swollen and scarlet. She tabbed the cloth on top of them to dry everything. 

The girl took the cloak off and struggled with it, trying to fold it. It was way too big for her, she was quite small for her age, dainty and fragile. Ron helped her, he always did it at the Burrow.

“I lost a brother in this fight, she declared, he wasn’t supposed to fight. He was too young. He was fourteen. I was twelve. My parents, it’s their fault, they made him disappear.”

Ron wanted to talk about Fred. But it was too hard. He did not want to talk anymore now. He wanted to vanish, just be alone. 

“I guess we should go sleep. Thank you.”

She seemed calmer. Not that much calmer but she was not going to weep anymore and it was good enough. Ron watched her get back to bed after shoving her cloak in a tiny bag.

He did not move for a while. It was quiet, without Lumos he could barely see anything. 

He felt like he did not deserve to be here. Why did he survive when so many people died?

He felt sick. 

The doors were locked for the night, Alohomora did not make it budge at all and he did not want to try something more radical like Annihilare. He wanted to be far away, maybe in a forest, or to just fly in the night sky, silently observed by the curious stars. 

He wanted to be alone and think, even if his thoughts were dark. He knew it would be fine because he had his friends and his family but he needed to be mad, at himself for surviving, at the world for taking away what he loved.

It was cruel. Unfair. So bloody unfair. He suffered so much, physically speaking. His life was hell and now it was supposed to be back to normal even though he saw what the underworld looked like.

Ron felt silent tears roll down his cheeks. He wiped it quickly with his sweater, accidentally tasting some of it. It was salty. 

He stayed in the same position, crying softly until he was ready to fall asleep. He felt his mind so ready to fall into the dark, deep state of sleep, he almost did not want to move to go back in his blanket.

He heard steps, some fabric rustling. 

“You are an absolute bitch.”

The voice was firm, manly and deep. The man was said that was probably an eighth or seventh year.

“You can not possibly be mad for something I did not say.”

It was a women, or a girl, with a sweet voice. She sounded soothing and Ron thought about getting comfy to properly sleep while listening to her but he was better if they did not know he was here.

“Are you a moron? You almost did. They don’t need to know about this, the man hissed, this is my life, it’s my right to tell them or not. Not yours.”

The girl casted a charm, Ron did not catch what she said but it produced a small ball of light in the air which hurt his eyes. He closed them, the light came from behind him but his tired eyes did not want to have anything to do with light.

“I was nice enough to let you near my friend, she snapped, you are rude, unappreciative and before all you’re a dimwit.”

It felt like a pretty good slur but maybe it was the exhaustion speaking. The man stayed quiet for a minute.

“He is not your friend. You hate him. You abandoned him. You did not gave a damn about him. I was the one that helped him get back on his feet. She is right, you are stupid. Stupid to think you are a good person.”

Ron felt personally attacked by the harsh words of the man. They were so cold-hearted, and vicious. He was curious about what the girl did to deserve this.

“Oh. Because you are so smart, right. Sure, you deserve to stand by his side. You are so worthy, you are a brave hero. Yeah. Right.”

She seemed to have completely lost her temper. Ron was a bit disappointed on the turn it was starting to take. She was going to make herself look like the victim and he would only be angrier.

“It’s not what I mean. I am bloody shitty. I hurt him. I think you should just, maybe not talk about him, mention him and more importantly, don’t contact or meet him.”

“You are an arsehole, she sneered, I will do what I want to do. Even if it involves him.”

He sighed, obviously exasperated. She knew how to get under his skin and she abused of this talent. 

“You won’t. I know you, you are too smart to do that. Let’s forget about the others wizards in our year, you’re the one that will be successful. You are a liar, you are a cheater and you are selfish.”

She laughed. It was cute, mocking and full of disdain but it had a certain charm in it. 

“Oh please, sweetheart, have you seen yourself? Acting all innocent, you and your lot, all mighty and brave. You are just a bunch of murderers, you are traitors, fighting against your flesh and blood. Hurting children and killing mothers.”

It seemed the boy had enough of her, Ron heard a slap. 

“How dare you?”

The girl sounded so offended it made Ron laugh. The voices did not talk again and the light vanished suddenly. Some steps and hushed voices were faintly heard.

Ron was exhausted and now he seemed to be alone again. He quickly fell asleep.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Harry shook Ron’s shoulder and called his name.

“Ron. Ron. Ronald... Weasley!”

The ginger smacked his hand while grumbling. Harry took a deep breath and he casted Levicorpus.

Immediately the ginger reacted. He started wiggling in midair.

“Let me down you git.”

Harry obeyed, faking innocence. Ron fell on the ground with a scream, making a huge sound and probably breaking a few bones. Ron glanced around as to see who witnessed this humiliation, nobody. The Hall was empty.

“Where are they, he asked, what time is it?”

Harry shrugged. He seemed tired. Ron glared at him.

“What’s wrong?”

Harry smiled and said he was fine but Ron saw how he defensively put his arm over his chest. Harry was obviously not feeling good. 

“Let’s go, I meant to grab lunch but I saw you there, couldn’t leave you alone.”

Ron was a bit sore, he looked around. He did fall asleep under the table, no wonder his back and neck were painful. Harry seemed to understand that so he walked slowly. They went to the kitchens directly. The house-elves were eager to see them. Harry told them what he wanted for lunch and for dinner, the elves did not even need to write it down or memorise it, they probably were used to taking this same order every day. 

“What about you?”

Ron answered while trying to snatch some food here and there. The poor thing who took his order was overwhelmed by the quantity and additional informations. After he walked away the boys were left to themselves and Ron nibbled some nuts. The elves probably knew Ron took food but they kindly disregarded the malicious deeds more humoured by the boy than angry. 

Ron found a chocolate box labelled “Malfoy Manor” on a counter. It was wrapped in a glittering green paper, it looked pricey and delicate. He wondered why the elves gave themselves such a hard time for those vicious people. For a while he couldn’t take his eyes off it. 

“Why is it here, he managed to ask an elf near him, struggling not to grit his teeth.”

The creature nervously glanced around before it whispered:

“The lady and the sir in the black hoods sometimes ask us to make it. Otherwise we would not give this family food.”

Ron was a bit surprised of this answer. He was quite sure the elves were not usually so biased. The Malfoys were bad people, they were Death Eaters but the elves usually did not care about that to his knowledge.

“Who are they? The people in the black hoods.”

The elf looked behind the ginger, his eyes widening. Ron turned around when it ran away. Neville stood behind him looking rather amused.

“What was that Ron? Intimidating house-elves? I don’t think Hermione would approve of that.”

Neville was a witty jerk now, Ron thought to himself. Since the day before he kept bugging the ginger. He always found ways to mock him and he would annoy him with childish games such as poking his shoulder and act as if nothing happened.

“I merely asked a question. Who do you think I am? Some kind of Dark Lord?”

Neville wrapped his arm around the freckles neck and buried his nose in it before wincing in disgust. He walked away and shoved his friend aside.

“Oh dear, please shower. This stench almost made me anosmic. When was the last time you showered?”

Ron flushed. It was mean. Neville used to be so insecure and nice and somehow being insulted by Neville was worse than any fight he had with Malfoy. Harry took Ron’s arm and gave Neville a bad look.

“That was not necessary. We don’t need your opinion.”

Harry was acting suspiciously today but Ron was too busy with his shameful realisation that he did smell strongly to notice the somber veil covering his friend’s face. Neville on the other hand only took a second to see something was wrong.

“I’m going. Don’t wait for any of us to eat.”

The blonde left as quickly as he appeared. Harry was upset, Ron felt even worse now. Everyone seemed to be in league to make him feel pitiful. 

“Do you want to go eat outside, Ron asked while eating a Pumpkin Pasty to console himself, it seemed to be pretty sunny today.”

Harry nodded after he started walking, which was useless but at least it was polite. Ron quickly grabbed a handful of berries in a bowl before he ran after Harry. His friend was fast, he knew the castle by heart even after leaving for a while, they soon found themselves in the grass. A cooling breeze ruffled their hair. Harry continued to walk up to a small hill-like area. 

“Did I receive an owl at breakfast?”

Ron wasn’t expecting one so soon but he wasn’t good at small talk and it was the only thing he could come up with. He started to unpack the basket the elves gave him before he left

“Yeah. I read it. It was from Ginny.”

Ron looked up from the food with a distressed face. Ginny did not often write to him, they did not really like to speak through letters, mostly because Ron was not used to writing and it was often very hollow. Nevertheless it was unusual for her to send an owl.

“What’s wrong with Ginny?”

Harry was obviously displeased, he seemed almost ready to throw a tantrum.

“Apparently she is dating somebody. She wanted to tell you about our breakup because she found someone else.”

Ron was relieved when he heard that. He had tried not to imagine the worst when he heard about her letter but theories of death came intruded his mind. 

“Ron, I think I still love her.”

Harry had said that in the same grumpy tone he had since morning but it’s content really struck Ron. Harry still love his sister.

“Why did you break up?”

His mouth was as uncontrollable and foul as ever. Harry sighed and held his head in his hands.

“Honestly, I don’t have a clue mate. She was the one I saw myself marrying one day but somehow this idea faded in my head. I was left with vague feelings and anguish, I just wanted to leave and be alone. Ginny brought up the subject and I just foolishly followed.”

Ron felt like it was right to hug Harry who seemed very grateful for that. They had their arms wrapped around each other in a brotherly embrace, an embrace filled by suffering and idiocy.

“Do you still like Hermione?”

Ron was surprised by his friend’s question. It was a bit difficult to answer it, he somehow felt relieved he did not have to deal with a girlfriend but he wanted to be with Hermione.

“I don’t know. I can’t really say. I really thought I was going to build a family with her, like you probably thought when it came to Ginny. But now we’re back to being friends and it hurts but it’s also pleasant because they are no expectations.”

Harry pulled away slowly. He seemed to be thinking, he lied on his back, facing the sky. He was frowning, lost in an inner debate. Ron started to eat, the food was as good as ever but today it left a bitter aftertaste of memories.

“I think Neville will make a move on you.”

Ron almost choked on his food. He coughed and coughed and coughed, Harry gave firm slaps on his back.

“You… Why do you think that? Impossible. He is my friend, he know each other since we were eleven, we literally saw the most disgusting sides of each other, the shameful ones. Why would he want to do anything to me?”

Ron felt a shiver go down his spine. He was repulsed by the idea of being closer than friends with Neville, sharing a dorm with him made a relationship impossible between them.

“Okay, so first of all, right before we came here he buried his face in your neck. Plus you are literally the most likely of the two of us to be something different than straight; no I won’t forget your comments on the boys, nor your weird obsession with this one person which I won’t name but you see who. And don’t tell me you just thought of a different reason than his genitals, because I know. Lastly, Neville doesn’t have high standards, the only boys he talks to are either underage or Slytherins. The other Gryffindors don’t count because he thinks we are all in relationships.”

Ron wanted be retaliate unkindly but he tried to keep it down.

“I don’t want to have sex with Neville, or anything else, he added after seeing a mocking look on Harry’s face.”

Harry shoved a banana, it was from his lunch box, in front of him.

“We’ll see about that.”


	5. Complicated feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tracey and Lisa both seem to have more to offer than just a simple friendship based on mutual friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know when I will update next. I can’t keep a schedule during school, the holidays are coming to it’s okay. I have to change everything I wrote after this chapter because it sucked and I feel like it won’t fit in with the story. I am such a messy writer.
> 
> But who can resist Art for Art’s sake.

Tracey was quiet when she worked, so quiet you could hear her breathing; whenever she had an issue she would stop breathing, it made the room even more silent. Ron picked up that fact very quickly when he helped her rebuild a classroom. If he had to be honest he did not really know why She wanted him to help her, there was not a lot of damage, just a hole in one of the walls the size of an adult that they tried to fill without making the renovations too visible and Ron was quite useless as he struggled to work alongside her.

“I don’t think we have enough stones for the week at this rate, she remarked while wiping her forehead, it really sucks.”

She was frowning, as she often did when she was thinking. He had gotten used to the faces she made when she was concentrating. At first he found it very disconcerting, too out of character, but this feeling slowly became simple amusement. One grimace he especially liked was when she sticked out her tongue and bit it because it made her dignified look completely fall apart.

“Who supplies us? We could get a few sixth or seventh years to go get more stones, or use the Hogwarts Express to get them.”

Ron did not know how the raw material management worked. It had been two days since he arrived and he did not even know where they put them. He had seen a few students levitating wood or rocks but nobody told him where they were stored. As for the stones they used Tracey brought them here before he joined her which made him even more clueless.

“It’s the Malfoys mostly. They are demolishing the Manor.”

She did not seem pleased by this fact and she did not add anything like she usually did when she talked about exciting topics. Ron had not heard about the Malfoys demolishing their Manor, it was very surprising. They were so proud of it, it was a symbol of their wealth and power and it seemed so unreal to think of this grand family purposefully giving away their most important possession.

“What do you know about Malfoy, Ron asked.”

Her eyes widened as she turned toward him. Ron expected such a reaction. The boys had never been friends to say the least so obviously it was suspicious to ask about the Slytherin. Tracey was right not to trust him enough to tell him about her friend but he could always try to convince her.

“I am merely curious, everyone seems to have changed after the war. Neville is different, Harry is different, Hermione is different. Heck! Even I am different. Last year I wouldn’t even have gotten close to you! I don’t mean to offend you but a Slytherin and I? Not way!”

She stared at him for a while, contemplating the pros and cons of telling him about Malfoy. It seemed to be a difficult task, it should be, Ron would never have told her about Harry if they met before. Finally she smiled and nodded.

“Okay. Draco, honestly just call him by his name now, he is a little bitch. This boy spent all first year whining about you three. He was especially jealous of you, you were Harry bloody Potter’s best friend and it infuriated him. Honestly when your company is Gregory, Vincent, Theodore and Blaise it’s pretty logical to hate anyone with such good friends. At least he was smart enough to survive the war. We can not say the same of Vincent.”

Ron had stopped working, Tracey had too. She was absorbed in her storytelling and he was absorbed in her story. Her hands moved to help understand what she meant and her voice was theatrical, slowing down to make the important points stand out, showing feelings and indifference, affliction and mockery.

“Theodore and Blaise are the absolute worst, it’s surprising Draco even talked to them. Don’t get close to them, their pants are loose. I never saw such horny boys.As for the others, well, Gregory and Vincent were brainwashed dumbasses but you know it. Draco could have fought for your side if you gave him a chance. He is not very good at duelling, he never was, he excels in Potions though.”

She paused and she continued to work; they had not been very productive. Ron tried to help but he struggled to cast when she was also casting next to him. He had to ask Hermione to help him because he felt useless, Tracey was twice as productive as him. They were almost done when Tracey told him to drink some tea with him. She went back to her story as if she only paused for a minute.. 

“I regret not talking to him earlier. Draco was a nice bit at first, he was too influenced by his family and their irrational purity obsession, if the half-bloods were able to convince him of the good brought by muggles it would have been easier for all of us.”

Ron nodded before he realised what she said. 

“What? There are half-bloods in Slytherin? Actual half-bloods?”

He sounded dumb, he knew that but he always thought Slytherin was entirely composed of pureblood. Maybe because he never actually befriended any Slytherin or even tried to learn about them.

“Are you serious? You don’t know that? Blaise, Milicent and I are Half-Blood. I suspect Sophie is too but she will not admit it.”

Ron’s world was crumbling. Blaise Zabini could not be a Half-Blood, the fellow was crazy about blood purity, just like his mates. He could see Tracey be one but not Blaise. 

“Anyway. Draco is a good boy, especially now. Looking into the eyes of Death helped him tone it down I guess. But his parents are shit, they’ll always be. Narcissa is a little better than Lucius but their ideals are just horrible. Pansy was supposed to be his fiancée and then wife one day but that’s not really the plan anymore. Plus I’m pretty sure Draco was in love with someone else before the war, it was probably not a Slytherin though.”

Ron felt sick. It was a bit too much too handle at once. Tracey was so casual, she completely gave up on being posh and spoke in a colloquial way Ron had never heard before, at least not in Hogwarts’ grounds. And Draco’s life! How could he consider getting married so young? Draco being in love? Unimaginable.

“You look ready to swoon, I never saw you so pale. Do you need to sit down? It’s a bit overwhelming I guess. It’s just that I try to say a lot at once because it’s mostly all shitty things and it’s best to omit the worst. Honestly I can understand why he ended up skipping class so often, he felt oppressed. Everyone was looking at him, careful analysing his every move. Pansy once found him cutting himself, oh, it won’t help if I continue to talk...”

He let himself drop on the floor, it hurt his knees a little but he was too focused on trying to process what he learnt to care. Tracey sighed and she focused on the wall again. 

Her wand moved precisely as she whispered the spell they were using. She used an Elm wand, suiting perfectly its dignified owner but also felt like it did not belong in her hands, it wasn’t a wand that fitted her ideals. Tracey’s movements were impeccable, Hermione would have been jealous if she saw her. 

“He really like quidditch. It’s one of the only things he really cares about, besides school, but it’s still linked to school. Unfortunately his team wasn’t very good and he was even worse. They are actually good players but when all you think about is something different from the game when you play, you are going to have a poor performance.”

Ron could not agree more. He played enough quidditch to know that, he had lost enough times to understand that focus is the key to victory and sometimes a second of reverie can cost you a lot. Ron missed playing quidditch. He wanted to be able to play soon and it could be fun to play against Draco, not necessarily with entire teams but maybe a little game with different rules to make it easier to play with less players.

“I really want to play against him now! It’s your fault, take responsibility!”

She laughed wholeheartedly and pushed him a little further away.

“What do you want me to do? Summon him here to play some stupid game?”

Ron was offended, quidditch was not stupid, it was very far from stupid. If Draco came back he would need to ask him to help convince Tracey of the importance of the sport.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Lisa was visibly bored, she was sitting next to Ron and they had not talked for a few minutes now. Everyone had left: Harry was at the library, Neville was in the kitchens, Tracey was in the headmistress office apparently, Niall had been absent at every meal since they met. Ron was uncomfortable, he did not know what to say and she tried to chat before but it ended up being too awkward and they went back to staying silent.

Lisa let out a long sigh, she had put nail polish on before but now that it was dry she did not know what to do. Ron could understand why the girl sighed: he knew he was boring when he was with people he did not know and he was not ready to really open up to her yet. She had to deal with it for now or become as easygoing and extroverted as Tracey.

“So what’s your deal with Neville, she asked almost belligerently.”

Ron’s eyes widened. Harry and now Lisa, it seemed like he was the last to know there was something between him and Neville. He would have appreciated to have someone tell him beforehand. 

“There isn’t anything, at least not for me. You?”

She arched an eyebrow, his answer displeased her. Ron hoped she would not end up hating him. 

“What do you mean by “you”? You have to be more specific.”

It was his turn to sigh. He was still uncomfortable with the situation between Lisa and Tracey but he had realised quite quickly that Tracey had a thing for Lisa. She kept touching the girl and she smiled at the others but she beamed at her. Lisa seemed to also really like her but they were not together yet.

“You and Tracey? People tend to forget I have eyes to witness a blooming love.”

She laughed and shoved him aside. She kept doing that. Ron was starting to fear having bruises because of constant punches and pushes. Tracey also did it, he did not know which one had the habit first but it was surely the one he had to stay away from.

“There is nothing, not a single thing. We just enjoy being with each other. I mean, she is funny, witty and smart who wouldn’t enjoy her company?”

Ron rolled his eyes and he was pushed again by a, fake, pouting face and its strong arm. None of them wanted to continue this conversation so Lisa looked in her bag, it seemed to be a mess, and found a book.

“Oh! I have it too, he said.”

It was a book Hermione bought for him, a muggle one, it was by a female author that Hermione seemed obsessed with. He sneered when he saw the book Lisa had belonged to Tracey according to the sticker with her name on the cover.

“Are you sure you aren’t anything? I doubt a pure-blood like you would be able to get such a book without a special someone, used to muggles, to buy it.”

Lisa sighed, he was getting on his nerves and telling him the truth was probably the only option. She ran her hand through her dark tresses and relaxed her whole body. She stretched and put her head on Ron’s legs.

“You wouldn’t understand. Slytherins are not made to be with us, that’s what she said. Next year is supposed to be different but she told me she can’t afford to have the Slytherins hate her when the others will too.”

Ron took strands of her hair and started to play around with them. She seemed ready to talk but it was hard for the girl to say everything at once so he just needed to be patient and make her feel comfortable.

“You probably don’t know, you weren’t there and Harry probably wouldn’t have told you but Malone and Tracey got into a huge fight once. They had a duel, if you can call it that. Tracey has a huge scar on her back from back then. She let me see it twice, it never got healed and she refuses to let me touch it or do anything to it. I am the only one that knows it is still here, if not the only one that knows about it.”

Ron had started braiding Lisa’s hair, the brown strands sometimes became lighter and it created a beautiful contrast. Ron developed this habit of playing with people’s hair because Hermione and Ginny both really liked having someone play with their hair. It was actually quite relaxing for him so he mechanically started doing it with hers. Lisa seemed to enjoy the gentle hands’ work as she had closed her eyes and started speaking with a slow, sleepy voice.

“I would like to be able to touch her, I am sorry if it’s going too far but I like her and I would snog her if I could, but she won’t let me. She only accept to be touched if she initiate contact first and even then I can’t touch anywhere I want, she will move my hand or pinch me if she isn’t happy about where my hand is... She doesn’t like to be touched because she got bullied, well, I think she did, it’s my theory. ”

Ron was a bit hot and uncomfortable because Lisa kept talking about kissing and touching and all that. But what most struck him was that she believed Tracey had been bullied. It was hard to picture: she seemed tough, ready to fight back. She was talented and smart so it made no sense for her to be the victim of anybody.

“I can’t say for sure but I don’t think the Slytherin will welcome her back anyway, apparently everyone fought with everyone. They are the House of Drama. I saw she still get letters from Pansy and Milicent but Daphne and Sophie won’t talk to her. I think Draco is avoiding almost everyone, including Tracey, and the other boys were never that close to her. Blaise sent her a letter once but I took it before the owl gave it to her. I don’t think he is going to be nice to her.”

Ron was surprised about how much Lisa knew about the Slytherins. She was a Ravenclaw so it made sense how she could know so much about them, gathering information was their thing, but it seemed like she knew that much from what she heard and saw and it was impressive even for a Ravenclaw.

“I think you should talk to her. I don’t exactly know how you feel but you should not have to repress those feelings. Tracey may be too scared but she must understand and hear exactly how you feel. It’s your right to speak about it and it’s hers to accept or reject those feelings.”

Lisa smiled faintly. She stood up suddenly and kissed him on the cheek. He felt his blood rush to his face, it would soon be redder than his hair. She stayed almost on top of him, staring at him. Her eyes were brown, a very dark, deep brown like that of the earth in the greenhouses after being watered.

“You are cute, but honestly you are too innocent. What did you even do during all those years? Are you still…”

She was interrupted by Neville walking in. He was surprised to see Lisa leaning on Ron. Ron stared at him, he was sure he saw him flinch a little. Lisa slowly stood up and went to hug the blonde. 

“You left me with this boring thing, he literally let me die of boredom. Honestly if you guys ever leave me with Ron again I will hex you. This boy has no conversation, I don’t understand why we’re friends.”

Ron smiled. She was a melodramatic moo but she was his friend, or so she said. He was surprised to see that Neville frowned and pushed her away. They usually got along perfectly fine and he handled her whining pretty well.

“I’m sorry, I’m busy.”

The blonde quickly grabbed his bag and left the two of them alone again. Lisa looked at Ron in disbelief. They seemed to have just witnessed a very rare sight: Neville being angry. Who would believe it?

“Blimey! That was... Intense? I don’t even have the words to describe it, she sneered.”

Ron was not amused at all. He was pretty sure Neville’s moodiness was linked with him and he did not want to know why, or rather he not want to believe why.

“I think I should follow him, I don’t think I can really help but it’s better than nothing. I’ll be back soon.”

She gave him a wink and watched him run after their friend. It was easy to find the blonde, he was walking fast but he did not hasten when he heard he was followed, it even seemed like he slowed down. Ron grabbed his arm to stop him. Neville turned around, looking way too composed to be calm.

“Neville. I think we need to talk, you are acting in a very unusual way. Everyone seems to think you… Well, that you want us to be more than friends. In a romantic way I mean, it’s not obvious so I think I should state it clearly.”

Neville’s face went white. He looked ready to faint. He shock his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He had a hard time getting himself together and Ron felt a bit ashamed of his bluntness.

“Listen Ron, now is not a good time at all, I really meant it when I said I was busy and I don’t quite understand what you think is going on but from what I can tell you believe that I love you; well, don’t worry, I don’t want us to be anything else than friends.”

Ron felt relieved, he was probably going to regret this conversation later on but it was nice to know that his friend did not have a crush on him. But it did not change the fact that Neville felt distant and walked away as soon as he could.

Ron slowly retreated to the Great Hall, somehow his heart felt heavier with each step. Lisa was sitting on the table, she was absorbed by the muggle book from earlier. When she realised he was back she smiled politely and showed him her side. He went toward her but instead of sitting next to her as she wanted he kneeled in front of her and buried his face in her legs. She started when he collapsed on her. 

“I am so tired. Why is everyone having feelings? Bloody feelings. It’s so bloody annoying, I don’t want to have them, I don’t want anybody to have them. It’s all bull.”

She pat his hair and massaged his head, it felt pretty good but he was still mad. 

“So should I suppose he likes you? And you don’t?”

He sighed. He wished it was this easy, so black and white but there was much more shades that those two and it was difficult for him to understand what he felt, even less what others felt.

“He says he doesn’t. And I don’t.”

She was still stroking his hair, he felt like a pet, maybe a dog like his Patronus. She was probably thinking about what to say next but she absentmindedly kept doing it. When she finally spoke again, her voice was hesitant. It trembled, and Ron dreaded what she has to say.

“Are you… bisexual? I am just asking because you don’t seem to mind Neville’s sexuality, or mine. And also because you don’t seem to hate boys… In fourth year I felt like your gaze went to a certain boy, I swear I am not a stalker but there were rumours that you were bi and I needed someone like me okay! So are you?”

Ron blushed, it seemed Lisa had this effect on him. She always made him nervous with the way she behaved, it was straightforward and he wasn’t used to girls being this way with him. Most of his conversations with them were full of hidden meanings which were difficult to understand.

“I don’t know… Everyone seems to be telling me I am but how can I know?”

Lisa giggled and stopped stroking his hair. She leaned forward. Their faces were closer and her locks were tickling his face. He could smell her perfume, it was made out of lavender probably. It made him think of the south of France in summer, or at least what he imagined it to be.

“Do you think I am attractive, she whispered.”

Her voice was confident, almost cheeky. It was sensuous and Ron struggled to answer. He felt pressured, it was like being crushed by something very heavy. It felt unpleasant and he just wanted to be free from her but at the same time he felt drawn to her in a intricate way which he did not understand.

“Yeah, he answered in a choked voice.”

She smiled and got even closer, their faces were almost touching. Ron was scared, he did not like what she seemed to want to do, teasing was one thing but now it felt too real and he did not want it at all.

“Then can I kiss you?”

He shook his head, he absolutely did not want to kiss her and it had nothing to do with his sexuality but more of his respect for her and Tracey. He did not want to kiss her because she loved someone else, he did not want to kiss her because she did not want to kiss him. 

“You would have kissed Neville, I am sure of it, she said.”

Now her face was back where it should have been. She took her book with one hand and kept the other in his hair. The atmosphere immediately changed, it felt like nothing happened. 

“I like its colour, most people don’t like redheads but it’s just so rare that it’s impossible for me to hate it. I would like to know how it’s possible that people have different hair colours, it create so much diversity in our society. Some would find mine boring and bland but I like them, they are far more pretty than some like to think.”

Ron could not help but grin. Lisa was curious about everything and it was adorable. He enjoyed her presence, being her friend was an honour, she was annoying but impossible to hate even after she tried to kiss him. She started humming a lullaby. Ron felt calm. He was sleepy, the sweetness of her voice and the softness of her fingers on his hair and skin made him slowly drift away.


	6. Good friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is trying to be a good friend but sometimes it is hard, especially when he thinks about others’ feelings more than his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have a few days left before the break but inktober is keeping me quite busy so I will probably not update more often. I started writing a story with a friend so it adds to my workload. Maybe I like to have too much to do.   
Has anyone seen It: chapter two? What are your thoughts on the movie?

Hermione came in the evening, right before dinner, she had spent the whole afternoon with her parents even though she said she wanted to leave around noon. Ron had just picked up the dinner from the kitchen with Harry as they had finished working early and the other eighth years were not back yet. They entered the Great Hall to be welcomed by a tight hug from their friend from which Ron thought he would die. She was smiling brightly when she finally let them breath again.

“Hello! It’s so nice to see you again. I missed you a lot. Neville was supposed to be looking for you. He left a while ago. I wonder where he is.”

Harry answered but Ron was too busy looking around to hear him. It was true that Neville was not here, he could not be very far. Tracey was not here either. Lisa saw him and waved at him shyly, her eyes drifted toward his ex-girlfriend. She gestured to make him come next to her. He obeyed without looking back at Hermione and Harry. He did not really want to stay with her, he wanted to avoid her for now even if Harry was with him.

“Have you seen Tracey, Lisa asked, I wanted to talk to her tonight, about my feelings. I made a list of what I want to tell her, how I feel but also what I expect and what I don’t expect. It’s making me anxious but the sooner the better. I have to get it done. But she is not here and I am freaking out. You probably understood since I keep talking and talking and talking. You know what, I should stop. Sorry.”

Ron shook his head, he had not seen Tracey since they had lunch so he was not more knowledgable about her whereabouts. He felt like her absence was bad news and it made him anxious too, but probably less than Lisa. Tracey usually did not vanish without telling anyone, especially not Lisa. She always told Lisa everything. She told him when she helped Niall leave the castle so it would be natural to tell her if she left.

“I don’t know where Neville is either, she added, in case you were wondering… Sorry, I don’t want you to think I am forcing you to like him, in fact I don’t care. Well maybe I do, but like not in this way. Anyway I shouldn’t have mentioned him. Let’s forget about it. I suck.”

Ron frowned. Lisa was pessimistic tonight, she was usually quite cheerful and confident in herself , if not narcissistic. Maybe it was because she was stressed out but she seemed to take any occasion to depreciate herself. He gave her a hug, he knew she liked hugs and she needed to be comforted so it seemed to be a good idea; she was a bit surprised at first but she returned his hug. 

Lisa walked away after ruffling his hair. She smiled reluctantly when their eyes met but he knew she did not seem as anxious as before which was an improvement. 

“Can you help me? With the food distribution. Harry already started handing out his baskets, and Hermione is helping him so it is probably better if we both do it. We can be faster, more efficient.”

She laughed at his unnecessary politeness and took a few boxes, observed the names and gave them to the corresponding faces. Ron still could not always find the right person, truthfully he almost never associated the right faces to the names. He barely knew them, a lot of them were strangers but they seemed to know him very well. He expected that, he was quite famous for being Harry’s friend as well as Hermione’s friend and boyfriend –this information was not currently true though– but also because of his own achievements. 

“That’s strange, he declared, there is a box for Niall... I thought he was not here, he did not mean to be back so early. Do you know if he has come back already ?”

Lisa turned around slowly, she making a funny face: it looked like her face was being compressed. She was confused. She took the box, read the name again, checked another time, gave it back to Ron and walked out without a word leaving him dumbfounded. Seeing his friend alone Harry walked over him. He put his arm around his neck and made him move forward.

“Why do you look so lost? Did she reject you, he sneered.”

Ron had not told him about the “kiss” incident, which was not one because nothing happened, so Harry only knew that they spent a few hours together and that after that they were very close. It was understandable that he misunderstood their friendship based on both having–more or less– an unrequited love, but he could not be further away from the truth. He was the one that somehow rejected Lisa.

“No. Something weird is happening. I can feel it... It’s you, Ron cried, you’re always bringing me in your heroic and stupidly dangerous adventures. If it involves death I am not coming this time! Not before the school year even start! Wait a couple of weeks at last mate!”

Hermione giggled. Ron did not notice her, she must have crept on them while he was talking. She looked exhausted, Ron always thought she was beautiful but he found her gorgeous when she was tired, maybe it was because he had gotten used to seeing her restless. But this time his heart could not move, it was stuck and it was awful. 

“Have you finished Ron, she asked, I would like to eat. I am a bit sleepy, today has been frantic. My parents opened their clinic this morning and crowds of people are already coming in! I had to stay to help out, it was fun but I really need to rest.”

Ron felt obligated to answer, he could not let their breakup ruin their friendship. Even if it was hard to look at her he needed to act natural. If she was able to do so could he.

“Not yet, help me Harry, I don’t know who half of those people are… By the way, do you know if Niall is back? That’s what’s weird, we found a box for him.”

Harry’s jaw almost drooped on the floor, he had completely lost his train of thought, or so it seemed. He did not answer but he quickly gave out the few boxes left. 

“I got to go, Harry said, please keep my food warm. I will be back soon.”

Hermione looked at Ron. She was frowning and seemed worried. Ron would have to explain everything to her, it was not really a bother but he really did not want to talk right now. He felt anxious, way more than before, Lisa must have given him her anxiety before she left.

“So, is she your friend, Hermione asked, Lisa. You seemed pretty close. Of course I don’t mean it as a reproof, I think it’s good for you to see other people…”

Ron stopped her, he was a bit reassured that she was also a bit awkward.

“She is a friend, she likes someone else, that’s more accurate to say that I am her matchmaker, not a very efficient one though but I was appointed Official Matchmaker of Her Majesty Lisa. It’s an honour you can’t simply refuse.”

Hermione giggled. She seemed less tense now. Ron hoped they could go back to being friends, laughing at each other’s jokes, spending time together. It was nice to be with her.

“I like someone, she said, I don’t know if something will happen, I don’t think I am ready yet so I won’t try anything, but if he asks me out maybe I will consider it. I think you deserve to know, your opinion won’t matter, it’s my life but if you feel hurt by me dating someone else you should still say it.”

Ron did not know how to answer. His mind was a mess and somehow even after everything she told him he could only think about Neville, he was always in a corner of his mind but sometimes he would occupy it entirely. He knew why. It was because Lisa made him really think about his sexuality and now he always thought about Neville. Maybe it had nothing to do with Lisa and him talking, maybe it was just that he always was here and that he only realised it now but Ron was confused about everything.

“It’s okay. I don’t really care, if you like him you should have a chance to be happy. Even if it doesn’t work out it will only help for later, to find someone better for you. But as of now we should focus more on eating than on our love lives.”

Hermione nodded and they sat near the wooden table. She put a warming charm on the box with Harry’s name. Ron started eating his but he was preoccupied. He had a few problems: the first one being his feelings, especially toward Neville, followed by Lisa’s confession because he really rooted for her, finally he was worried about Niall’s case. 

“Is there something wrong Ron? You look unwell. You are quite pale.”

He felt a shiver go down his spine. He jumped on his feet, something bad happened, he knew it. He glanced around him frantically. When Hermione tried to grab his arm to calm him down, he was already leaving the Hall. He did not know where to go if he wanted to find Niall. The alcove from the only meal he shared with the fourth year could be a good start.

He struggled to find his way back, maybe because everything seemed to have been moved, it was not unexpected as the renovations made it impossible to keep everything in their original place. When he finally reached the alcove he opened it to find Niall looking vexed.

“Oh. Hi. I thought it would be harder to find you. Why is nobody here? They seemed to be chasing you...”

Niall did not even bother to look up at the redhead. He was sat on a small bench and seemed ready to fall asleep. He grumbled something about them being stupid. Ron sat on the floor next to the small boy. He felt like talking was not an option, not with a grumpy teenager. They stayed still for what felt like a very long time until the door opened suddenly and Tracey came in followed by Neville, Harry and Lisa. 

“Oh come on! Ron is already here though he left after you... How stupid can you be to arrive after him? I mean, he doesn’t even know Niall that well! I had to bring you here, are you that dumb, no! Even dumber than dumb. No word has yet been invented to describe your lack of intelligence.” 

Ron flinched. Tracey was being mean, not only did she call their friends stupid but she called him stupid. He knew he was not bright, not like Hermione but he was at the same level as Harry at least, which made the comment even worse. But he did not want to fight with her so he stayed silent.

“Why are you all here, Niall asked, I don’t need you, I am not a baby.”

Tracey laughed, she helped him stand up a little to leave space for the others. Ron did not want to move. The stones were cold and it comforted him somehow. The uneasiness he felt had not disappeared when the group arrived. Neville sat at the furthest chair of the room. Tracey and Lisa were next to Niall and Harry stood by the entrance.

“I think I should go back in the Great Hall. I did not say anything to Hermione, she must be worried.”

Ron had forgotten about her. He left her hanging but could he really ignore this bad omen he felt? He knew it wasn’t a very good excuse though so he would need to apologise later in the evening.

“You should bring her here, Tracey said, we can invade Niall’s personal space and all eat here, seeing this boy pout make life a hundred times better va. Plus it is always nice to meet new people, it means potential friends.”

Ron grinned. She was doing too much, as always. She was a people pleaser, she knew it, everybody knew it. Harry excused himself and left. Lisa looked at Ron and made an eye movement to order him to sit next to Neville. He glanced toward his friend but he did not really think it was a good idea to sit next to him. The blonde boy did not seem to want to talk to him. Seeing that her strategy did not work she changed his mind on the technique used.

“Ron, please could you at least sit properly, on a chair, she whined.”

Ron gave her a very bad look before he hooped in a stool near the alcove entrance. Neville gestured to tell him to get closer. He smiled faintly and whispered something along the lines of I don’t mind. But Ron did mind. He did not want to make a fuss though so he sat next to the boy. Niall looked at Ron then Neville then back at Ron who was glaring at Lisa. The young boy sighed. 

“I still have my scar. It’s pretty ugly. The good thing that came out of this trip is that I am officially an orphan.”

Before he talked the mood of the room was awkward and now it was worse. Nobody dared to say anything. Ron felt the pain from before again, it hurt, it hurt really bad but this time it did not fade. He felt exhausted and breathing seemed so hard, he did not know if he even breathed. He wanted to disappear, far far away. Niall finally broke the silence but Ron could not hear his voice, he was too focused on breathing and being able to function. He was too lost in his thoughts to even care about what everyone said afterward. He did not care, he could not care.

He stayed here. Everyone was moving and speaking, they were lively, noisy, alive but Ron could not move. He was sat here, unable to get up to leave. Maybe it was the threat he felt that made it impossible to move, maybe it was just him being a coward but he knew he had to leave. He had to, but he could not. 

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Night was a good time to think. At least it had become. Ron always thought a lot, too much sometimes so when he was too deep in his overthinking he would write what bothered him in his head to come back to it later on. Later on became night naturally, it was the only way to be truly alone. Night was the time when Sleep took over and nothing could disturb him not even the four boys he shared a room with for such a long time.

Or at least it had been. But now, here, it was impossible. He could not handle it, he tried to, but he was exhausted. Every single night he woke up to violent shouting, quiet sobbing, inimical whispering. Maybe it was because of their pride but very few people casted silencing spell, maybe they just did not know how to. Harry did not when he started to have nightmares. 

Ron struggled to fall asleep after he had been waken up, the harsh breathing of Hermione next to him did not help so he decided he would just stay awake until he really needed to. He heard someone walking over. A cold hand brushed his thigh.

“What’s that thing? It’s hairy, a voice he had learnt to recognise in those few days said.”

He grabbed his wand from his side and casted Lumos. Lisa never brought hers and she did not know to do wandless magic so he always ended up being the one who casted Lumos. Since she came the night after Neville got mad, when they did not sleep a wink because they were too busy chatting, she would often come up to him and they would talk alone for a while. It felt like long-lost friends catching up on their mates except that they had a life to catch up on. 

“Don’t be too loud, you are going to wake Hermione up. She needs to sleep, she looked exhausted and we stayed up quite late already.”

Lisa nodded. She took his hands in hers. A shiver went down his spine; she was cold, she always was but he was surprised every time she touched him. 

“How did you find Niall today? Wasn’t he a bit depressed, she inquired.”

Ron wanted to tell her he did not know, he did not even care because of this feeling he had. He knew it from the war and it was not a good feeling, it announced death and destruction. 

“Yeah, he seemed less lively than the first time I met him. And I don’t think he was that joyous the first time we met.”

She tightened her grasp.

“Ronald Bilius Weasley. You are a liar.”

She hit him with his own fist. He hit his nose, it was not so bad, it did not hurt. But when she fell on top of him and scratched his face he did let out a whimper. She started hitting him with her tiny fists, hammering his chest.

“You are lying to me, she sobbed, we are friends but you are lying to me! Don’t you trust me? We are supposed to be close, why did you not tell me what was wrong? You were hurting, I could see it, but you did not even care enough to explain what was going on! Do you even know how worried I was?”

Ron tried to calm her down by hugging her. She was crying but she did not seem mad anymore or at least just enough not to hit him. It was not in his plans to cry too but somehow he felt like he needed to, he tried to remain calm for as long as possible but the tears flowed soon. They were hot, they burned his cheeks. He hugged Lisa more tightly. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. She needed him and he needed her. 

“I hate you Weasley. I truly, wholeheartedly, despise you.”

Ron did not react, he wanted to answer, defend himself, but talking was impossible. Lisa calmed down, a long time seemed to have passed but he was still silently crying. She kisses his cheek and let him bury his head in her sweater, which Ron could have swore had seen worm by Tracey a few days before.

“I talked to Tracey, before we met Neville and Harry. She told me she wanted to wait, at least until she is sure the Slytherins will talk to her. I will wait. Because I love her. I love her so much.”

Ron did not want to speak, his throat was hurting so he simply hummed. 

“I don’t want to go back to school. I am scared, I don’t want things to change. It can not change or I won’t make it.”

This time he needed to answer, he had to be selfless and talk to her.

“It’s going to be okay, with me by your side it can only be okay.”

He felt her chest tremble and heard her let out a few sobs or maybe it was a laugh.

“But, what if it’s not? What it everything goes wrong? What if we lose this peace we found? What if he comes back?”

He stroked her hair. She managed to show him a smile, thin, almost imperceptible.

“If he comes back, we will fight him off for good. You can’t be scared, I mean there’s Harry Potter in the room!”

She laughed lightly. Her face was beaming, at least at much as it could. He grinned, she looked beautiful when she was happy.

“I should probably go back, she mumbled.”

He helped her get up. She wiped her tears and gave him a tissue. He refused it but he was thankful, it was nice of her to offer it to him when she also needed it. He kissed her cheek, like she did to him and sent her away. She did not make a lot of noise, not more than when she had come. 

“So, should we talk about it, Harry asked when Ron sat back in his covers.”

Ron felt his heart skip a beat. He almost died of shock, he did not expect Harry to have heard his conversation with Lisa. They were quite far compared to Hermione and he.

“What do you want to know?”

Harry did not answer directly. He was still lying in his covers, his eyes shut as if he was sleeping. As he had casted Lumos earlier Ron could see that his friend was smiling, probably mockingly.

“So... What is happening exactly? Why does Harry Potter need to help?”

Ron really wanted to hit his friend but he knew how to control himself.

“Lisa came to talk to me.”

He heard his friend sneer which made him angrier. He threw a shirt he found near his bag on Harry’s head. His aim was pretty accurate and the sound it made when it hit Harry was very loud and satisfying. The offended gasp Harry let out almost made Ron forget why he was mad at him.

“You, brute! I am sorry Sherlock but I had figured this much out. I mean why? Why you? Why now?”

It was a good question, them bonding was a very surprising event. 

“It’s not your business. Can’t friends meet up when they want to?”

Ron did not want to hear Harry’s answer, he felt like it was going to be immature, he deserved to be immature but now was not a time to be childish.

“Yeah, sure, but you must confess that it is a rather peculiar hour to meet up with a person of the opposite sex.”

Ron had so many things to say to make Harry shut up: first of all, Lisa loved someone else, secondly they could be friends even if they were of opposite genders, and lastly he just assumed the redhead was straight. But he did not bother debate with the boy.

“It is, but you heard everything didn’t you? Nothing happened.”

Somehow it felt like the end of the conversation so Ron made the light disappear. He went to sleep but right when he was falling asleep Harry spoke.

“Nothing happened yet. Remember that cheating and lying are bad.”

It jolted Ron awake. His brain was done with thinking, honestly he just wanted to be alone now. Everyone was getting on his nerve.


	7. Special 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is trying to be a nice friend. Like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t find a way to put it in this fanfic yet but I think I should still post it. It’s from a try at chapter seven that I hated but I really liked this scene so enjoy.
> 
> [May delete later]

As he wandered around the Great Hall he stumbled upon Niall. The boy was walking away, he looked rather feeble.

“Hey there, he said merrily to the small boy.”

Niall looked up at the ginger, his eyes were glittering. He was very obviously going to cry at any moment. Ron had never been very good at comforting people, probably because the only experience he had was Ginny and she would never let herself be comforted by anyone therefore the best option was to be casual and try to go somewhere with the discussion.

“Do you want to talk, or should I leave you alone?”

Ron realised it was the first time he saw Niall outside the alcove, in those big space he looked so vulnerable. 

“I don’t want to bother you, the blonde mumbled.”

Ron put one of his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He feared he was going to break it, he could feel almost every bone in the boy’s body.

“I am the one that asked you if you wanted to talk to me, you are not going to bother me. I don’t think you will ever bother me anyway. My door is always open, well it’s more like I don’t even have a door. Someone used Bombarda Maxima on it.”

Niall managed to laugh. It sounded more like a hidden sob than a genuine, happy, reaction but it was already progress.

“I feel terrible. I would like it better if I was dead. I had so many bloody opportunities to die and yet here I am, walking, speaking, breathing, existing. Do you ever feel like this? Like you don’t deserve to be alive, like you aren’t supposed to be alive.”

Ron felt his heart break. He ruffled the blonde hair. It smelled like vanilla and somehow smelling this odour brought him pain, because it felt like he was back at home with his mother’s cooking.

“I do, sometimes, but then I spend time with my loved ones– Ron was very careful not to say family–and I feel better, I feel worthy of being where I stand. Some people believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe you living, even after all these disastrous events, is due to your usefulness for a greater plan.”

It was mostly empty words, only to reassure him for a while, words not even Ron believed but he needed to say it confidently, like he believed in it. So he did and it made him long for them to be reality.

“You’re right. But I can’t help feeling guilty, because I lived when others perished, I can witness the world when others can’t, but what is worse is that I don’t belong in the good side; I killed innocent people! I killed them but nothing happened to me. I betrayed everyone and I haven’t been punished”

Niall had started scratching his forearm furiously. A shiver went down Ron’s spine as he thought of the only logical explanation for the blonde’s behaviour.

“I am sorry but could you develop this idea?”

Niall looked at his arm. He stayed still for what felt like an eternity then he slowly rolled up his sleeve. 

“Pretty ugly, huh?”

On his forearm he had the Dark Mark. It was reduced to a scar but it was still as chilling as ever. Ron tried to look indifferent, composed but he knew his face was probably not as neutral as he wanted it to be.

“When did you take it, he asked as monotonously as he managed.”

Niall chuckled.

“It’s been a while. When he came back. I was forced to take it.”

Ron was at loss. He did not know what to say, Niall was robbed of his chance to lead a normal life and he could not do anything about it now.

“Anyway. You should go to the library. Lisa wanted to talk to you.”

Ron wanted to go now but he could not just leave Niall.

“You are not the only one. A lot of people took it, they had no choice, just like you. I am sure you know people that have it.”

Niall mouthed a few names. Ron thought of something he could do to help the boy. He gently grabbed the pale arm. It was immaculate, so fair but the Mark spoiled this beauty. He rubbed his finger on the scar. He heard a hissing sound come out of Niall’s mouth. Ron leaned on the forearm and kissed it. 

“Ew. Why did you do that?”

As he backed away Ron laughed.

“I just want to make sure you know I don’t mind, I still think you are beautiful. And I still think you are a brat.”

Niall smirked. 

“You are an arsehole Ron.”


	8. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is faced by two annoying friends but his mind is busy with other matter when he talks to Tracey about her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t written in a while because I was doing Inktober and then NaNoWriMo but in the end I gave up on both of them so I am back to writing. It’s easier to balance school and this fanfiction than to balance school and a daily art piece... Anyhow! I am back. I still don’t have a clue where this is going though. So enjoy!

“Thank you for your hard work Ron, Tracey whispered in his ear, I need to talk to you. Come meet me after dinner. Library.”

Ron looked up only to see the girl swiftly walking away while muttering to herself. Harry looked at him quizzically, he gave him a quick nudge as Hermione lifted her eyebrow. These two seemed too interested in his love life. They seemed ready to interpret any sort of kinship as a blooming love story.

“What, he gnarled to get them off his back.”

Hermione laughed and was soon joined by Harry. They became so red Ron thought they were going to explode. When they finally calmed down some whispers were exchanged under Ron’s mad stare. He impatiently tapped his finger in the floor: they were waiting for the baskets, some younger students volunteered to bring it to help their seniors. Ron glared at his friends, they would not shut up about him being madly in love with anyone he talked to.

“I heard you worked on the library with Tracey and Neville, he said while glowering.”

Harry nodded, a smirk appeared on in face, it meant he would not elaborate unless Ron directly asked for more information. He wanted to trick the ginger as the traitor he was. If it was only Hermione he would have excused it as a girl’s foolishness but having Harry doing it made it harder to ignore it.

“What were you doing, he asked thinking the question was evasive enough on why he cared.”

If Ron was looking at Hermione he would have seen her snicker quietly while Harry turned to her but his eyes were fixed on Harry’s now pouting face. The dark-haired youngster dared to laugh when he saw their friend’s discreet reaction.

“Why not ask one of them, Harry answered maliciously as he tried to regain his composure.”

Ron knew he could not lose his patience otherwise it would backfire, especially with those two salivating hyenas ready to devour him the instant he showed any weakness. He had to quickly think of a way to survive these sly creatures, he had to think like Tracey of a way to please his friends. Unfortunately he had always been clumsy with his words and today was no exception.

“Because I don’t want to.”

Harry let out a loud, fake sob while dramatically smashing his hand on his trembling chest. Hermione gasped and covered her mouth as if she had said something extraordinarily offensive. Ron did not remember befriending two clowns.

“Are you two being serious?”

Hermione moved toward the dark-haired boy and hugged him while giving a disapproving look to Ron who was visibly upset. He frowned as Harry tried to make his laugh sounds like cries. He was hugging the girl back, the latter was stroking his hair like a mother comforting her child who has started bleeding after a fall.

“Do you realise you are being tremendous arseholes.”

This time Harry could not handle it, he rolled on his side, making Hermione let out a shriek as he twisted her wrist, and laughed so much he could not even stand up anymore. Hermione stared at Ron with a contented smile after having freed her hand from the loony next to her.

“You think you are being so smart right? Well let me tell you...”

He stopped as Neville sat next to him. The blonde stared at him in incomprehension as he pointed at Harry.

“Why is he dying of laughter, quite literally.”

Ron was now pouting, he was going to kill Harry and Hermione later if Neville mocked him. He shrugged and hit Hermione with his foot when she tried to speak. Neville smiled but a frown appeared on his face.

“Okay. If you don’t want to say it.”

Lisa came over with their food, they sat on the other side of Ron which led to another look of complicity between his two friends. She handed out the boxes and put her arm around Ron’s neck.

“What were you up to?”

Neville was the first one to answer on a bitter tone though by now Harry had been able to stand properly and him and Hermione were glancing at Ron with their suggestive eyes ready to spill the imaginary beans.

“They were being secretive.”

Ron did not need to look at her to know she was looking at him to get more answers but he was not willing to help her figure out what the subject of their conversation had been.

“He, Hermione said while pointing the redhead, started it.”

At this point he would just end up being exposed by his so-called friends.

“Oh, really? Weasley, how come?”

He would probably have told her he would explain tonight if it was not going to trigger more giggles. 

“Not your business.”

He saw a glitter in Harry’s eyes as Lisa slowly backed off. Neville shook his head as to show it was no use to inquire further. Harry whispered something in Hermione’s ear which made her chuckle. He then proceeded to lean on Ron.

“Maybe I should come over tonight Won-Won.”

Ron gritted his teeth. He had to stay cool. He quickly thought of a plan to make them leave him be. He smiled, gathering the little joy he had and the spite he had in a more consequent quantity.

“Sure, don’t make too much noise though, we don’t want to wake everybody up.”

As he spoke he could see Harry’s face twist in anger but this was not the end of his plan. He leaned forward, his brow was touching Harry’s and their breaths were now mixed together. Harry tried to pull away but Ron grabbed his wrists and forced him to stay still as he kissed his cheek and neck. 

Hermione helped Harry get away as he yelled at Ron. Neville and Lisa witnessed the scene without acting, maybe it was surprise that made them stay still maybe it was something different but the end result was the them they looked in disbelief at Ron amused expression and Harry’s frowning face.

“That’s the most disgusting thing that ever happened to me Ron, I hope you realise that. Did you really have to leave so much saliva on my body you bloody snail!”

Lisa seemed to wake from her stupefaction, she gave her tissue to Harry who was furiously wiping his face with his sleeve. 

“Why did you do that, he whined almost as an impetuous child would have.”

Ron stuck his tongue out to mock the poor bully who had been bullied. Hermione put her hand over his leg to get his attention and she looked at him. Her eyes were incredibly talkative, they were going on and on about how his behaviour was immature and unnecessary. But Ron knew deep down she was having fun and believed Harry deserved it.

“You had to be punished my dear, that is all there is to it. Now would you please shut up and eat.”

Everyone went quiet at once. They all starting chewing on their food without really feeling very hungry, probably because they were still shook. Lisa seemed disturbed by the absence of Tracey, she kept scanning the room hoping to find the Slytherin hidden somewhere. Neville was very silent, almost as if he was mad at them for some unknown reason. Harry and Hermione were trying not to make Ron angry again but he saw a few glances being exchanged throughout the meal.

“I have to go, Ron declared as he finished.”

He immediately got up and tried to walk away but Lisa grabbed his top and pulled on it to make him bend over, which he did. He knew Harry was going to comment on his obedience later on but he was not going to make Lisa mad just to be left alone by his stupid friend.

“Bye bye, she said as she hugged him.”

When she kissed his cheeks a clamour was heard from Harry and Hermione. They were going to tease him so much now that they saw that. Ron glared at them as a warning and left quickly. Tracey had probably been straight to the library as he did not see her anywhere. 

“Ron, she said as soon as he opened the door leading to the library, please come take a seat, and close the door.”

He closed the door as quietly as he could and went to sit next to her. 

“First of all I need to apologise to you, because I know you are working really hard right now but I need you to finish your assignments quickly, and by quickly I mean by tomorrow at noon.”

She paused, her eyes went to the floor. She was playing with a piece of paper. 

“You have something on your mind, haven’t you?”

She nodded and finally looked at him again, her eyes looked red. He never saw her look so scared and lost, he thought she resembled a wild beast when it encountered a muggle transports on the road. He was surprised to see how vulnerable she could be. 

“I will go straight to the point. McGonagall is going to kick us out soon. I can feel it.”

Ron put his hand on her shoulder and used his thumb to massage her back as he processed her words. He smiled and spoke slowly.

“It’s okay, we still have time to prepare. We will try to make people go home quietly starting today.”

“Ron. Some people are not able to go home. Some people, like me, are not safe outside of Hogwarts.”

He did not know what he needed to say next. If there was one place that had not been safe for him it was probably Hogwarts. He did not want to recall how many times he faced death in those grounds.

“I know it is hard to believe when you look at everybody being joyous but we can not forget the orphans, those that are not able to go home and those that do not have a home to go to.”

She was crying, or at least he guessed she was from her watery eyes. 

“Calm down. We will find a solution, nothing can stop us. You need to relax. And you should tell the others. Not only our friends but every eighth year. Even Malone.”

“Maybe not Malone?”

He giggled as she recovered her peaceful face. He hugged her to finish to calm her down. Then she gently hit his shoulders.

“Okay, let me go now. I am all good but I need to prepare myself to tell them. You may go back if you want to.”

He did not ask for more and simply left. As he walked toward the Great Hall Ron reflected on what he learned. He did not think about the people that were not as lucky as he was. He did not even consider that some of them had nowhere to go. Niall. He had nowhere to go. Tracey. She seemed to be stuck here.

“Why are you frowning. You look uglier than usual.”

He could recognise this voice easily now. He had gotten used to the mean tone of the bitter boy.

“So what? Do I need to look good for your eyes?”

“Why not, he said while grabbing the freckles hand, I mean you don’t have anyone else to look beautiful for and I am looking for something entertaining to do.”

Ron sighed. He let Niall take his hand without adding anything. 

“I want to sleep in the Great Hall today. I was scared to do so before but I think I am ready, I will have to go back in the dormitory anyway.”

His voice was soft, it was hard for him to say it. The blonde was probably scared of going back with the other students. Ron knew they still struggled to accept the Slytherins students, no matter who they were supporting in the war.

“You know, you don’t have to force yourself. It’s fine even if you don’t go back. I know it will be hard, you are not exactly like us. I don’t mean it in a bad way.”

“I know, he interrupted sharply with a faint smile.”

“What I meant was that you are going to suffer, because you are a pureblood, in Slytherin. And you matter to me so I would rather see you alone and safe than surrounded by enemies.”

Niall stared at the honest eyes which were fixed on him. He felt stronger when he was with his friends, he felt like he could defeat anything that happened to him.

“I don’t need to, but I want to. I want to be strong, I want to be free, free to do whatever the hell I want to do.”

He smiled, it was a true, merry smile, one Ron had never seen on the boy’s face. It made Ron happy, but reality struck him quickly. This happiness would not last. The threat of having to leave was hovering over their heads and home not longer existed for Niall.

“I was planning to go home, Ron blurted out without thinking, maybe you could come?”

Niall’s face became white, so white the ginger was worried he would collapse anytime soon.

“I don’t think, I don’t think my relatives will allow this.”

Ron wondered who’s he was talking about, probably the people he went to see for his scar, it meant he still had a place to stay at, probably.  
“Maybe if I talk to them I can manage to convince them. My home is not mansion like you are likely used to but you are welcome.”

“That is not the problem... I don’t really know how to say it but my family isn’t exactly fond of yours.”

Ron did not know which family Niall was from but he seemed to be extremely scared of his relatives and they seemed to be obsessed by blood purity.

“Should I abduct you then?”

Niall laughed. He seemed less tense, he was not exactly calm but it was already better.

“Maybe you should.”

They exchanged a smile before they each went their own way. Ron went back to the Great Hall. Harry was sat with Hermione and Neville, in front of them were Dean and Seamus. They were laughing, it felt like old times. Dean was the first one to notice him getting closer. He beamed as he waved at him. Seamus grabbed his friend’s neck.

“Ouch! Ouch! Leave me alone!”

Seamus looked pretty pissed. 

“So when were you going to tell me that you and Hermione had broke up? And that you had found someone else.”

Ron blushed as he looked up to Neville who avoided his eyes. Then his sight went to Hermione and Harry who seemed rather amused.

“I don’t have anyone, he mumbled, they just have a wild imagination.”

“Sure, sure, Dean said, you are still single, we believe you.”

“Don’t tell me you believed them too! Come on! They are obviously lying, they are just spouting nonsense. Please Neville, say something!”

His eyes pleaded the blonde who simply shrugged.

“See, Seamus shouted, you are the only one still denying it.”

Ron trying to look somewhere to find support. He knew who he needed: Lisa. Unfortunately she was nowhere to be found.

“We all saw it, Harry insisted, Lisa kisses you. If that’s not love then what it?”

“I don’t love her, she doesn’t love me, we are friend, he retorted, we aren’t dating. She isn’t even a tiny bit interested in me. I would rather date Neville than Lisa.”

Neville looked pretty embarrassed. He had become bright red. Seamus and Dean has become silent. A knowing look was exchanged between Harry and Hermione.

“Is, is that you trying to come out to us, asked Dean?”

Ron sighed. He really wanted to vanish. Why did he need to have this conversation?

“No, it’s not.” 

He was about to say he was not interested in boys when he felt a small, warm hand on his palm.

“Ron, can I talk to you for a minute?”

He looked back, his face was probably dumb-looking but he was very surprised by Niall’s sudden appearance.

“Sure.”

He glanced at his friends, he wanted to warn them to stop spreading lies but Niall looked worried so he hurried off with him.

“I did not want to tell you until now, but I had a sister. And I think her ghost is here.”

“Her ghost?”

“She died shortly after the war ended, I do not understand how she could have ended up here. But it seemed to have happened, according to an anonymous source. And you saw it.”

Ron’s eyes widened, it felt like they were going to leave his body. He did not speak to a ghost. He barely spoke with anyone.

“She was quite young, she was twelve.”

It hit him. The sobbing girl.

“I did talk to a young girl, but she seemed very alive to me.”

“That is simply impossible.”

Niall looked disturbed, it was understandable. This ghost story did not make any sense. Ron could not think of anybody else he talked to that could be his sister.

“I am sorry. I can’t help you any further.”

The boy smiled regretfully and Ron’s heart tightened. He would never forget the face this youngster made.


	9. An awkward kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron always finds himself in a pickle when he struggles to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If think this chapter is going to be hard to read, I struggled to write it, some sentences are more literal translation of my idea of the scene in my first language so tell me if it is hard to read.

Ron struggled to fall asleep today. He had meant to go talk to Lisa but she had not come back in the Great Hall to sleep. Neither had Tracey. Seamus and Dean were still up and Ron heard some kissing. Harry was sleeping soundly. Hermione was reading, Neville had settled with his blanket next to her, he was reading alongside the girl, they would sometime comment on the book’s content. As the minutes went by Hermione became sleepy then exhausted, Neville seemed fine though so she decided to leave him the book and went further away to sleep.

“Is it interesting, Ron asked to entertain himself.”

Neville nodded. He closed it and extended his arm to offer it to Ron.

“Do you want to read it?”

Ron hesitated before he reached out to grab it. It was heavier than he had expected. When he read the first line he felt nauseous. He could not understand half of the words. 

“What is it about?”

“Oh, it’s just a simple botany book. I haven’t had the chance to read it yet as it was published a few weeks ago.”

Ron wanted to say something smart but he knew it would just led to humiliation.

“I think Dean and Seamus fell almost, Neville remarked.”

Something bothered Ron in his friend’s voice. It was different to usual but he could not really name what. Neville crawled over him and took back the book.

“You’re not going to read it, so please let me have it.”

Ron did not see any reason not to do it so he let the long hands take it. Neville stayed next to Ron as he read the book. Ron tried to read but just like the first sentence the rest was incomprehensible.

“Why did Lisa kiss you earlier?”

Ron felt blood rush to his cheeks. Maybe Neville could feel how hot he had become since he was so close to him. Ron hoped he could not, it would be pretty embarrassing.

“We always do that. But I swear we are just friends. You should know it already. Since you already saw how close we are.”

Neville looked at him. Ron felt ashamed, he felt like the blonde could understand everything he said and felt.

“Are you sure?”

He had asked while sliding his immaculate hand on Ron’s shoulder. His voice was quivering.

“Yeah. Why?”  
The boy asked as he shivered under the fair hand’s smoothness. He wanted Neville to move it against his cheek, to cup it like he would have done to his lover as he prepared to caress his dear’s body.

“Because I really want to kiss you, the blonde suavely whispered, But not on the cheeks.”

Ron felt the warm breath of his friend against his lips, it felt like something was already on them, tenderly licking his mouth and maybe for a short instant he had smiled. He wanted to lean in closer but something made him back away with a cold look on his face.

“That is not a good idea. We should probably go to sleep.”

I don’t want us to be anything else than friends.

“Yeah, Neville answered coolly, maybe we should.”

He slowly retreated to his previous position. He looked at Ron one last time before he covered himself completely with his blanket. Ron felt guilty. And he regretted saying no. But he knew it was unfair to use Neville to understand himself. If he needed to explore his sexuality he had to choose people that do not care about him.

“Good night Neville, he whispered.”

Remembering the time Harry caught him speaking to Lisa at night he hoped this time he had not heard anything. The light snoring coming from him made him think of all the people in the room Harry was the last one that could be aware. Hermione moved. Ron looked at her, his heart was racing as he prayed for her not to wake up. It seemed she did not. Her breath was regular and strong. He smiled when he remembered the nights he spent looking at her immobile face in the darkness of his bedroom. He still thought about them from time to time and it still hurt. It would always hurt.

Niall was sleeping too, or at least Ron believed so. He had gone to sleep very early and had not moved since. He slept on his back, facing the ceiling and his eyes were not always entirely closed as if he was ready to jolt up at any moment. Ron had nothing else to do than to look at him. 

He could have looked somewhere else in fact but he found comfort in seeing the little Slytherin being brave. Because he surely was not. He was too scared to face his relationship with Neville. He knew it was changing. It had changed already a lot. Everything was different and he could not understand it yet, he needed more time to think it through.

Ron did not want to hurt anyone. He respected Neville and the bond which had united them for so long was too difficult to break. He also had to be a little selfish, he had to think about how he was still a bit hurt by his recent break up. He was far from ready to move on. He had no feeling for Hermione but he missed those feelings and feared he would never find it again.

A soft sound came from outside the Great Hall. It was like a moaning, the voice was sweet like honey and flowed in the air like a sweet melody. It was heard twice then no sound followed. Ron was too lazy to inquire after it. Plus it could only be students or professors so he was not worried.

“What was that, Neville asked nervously.”

Ron had hoped he was already asleep by now but it seemed like it was not the case. He looked at the boy. He was hugging his blanket tightly as he crawled over Ron. 

“I don’t know. Probably some students that spent the night outside the room.”

Neville installed himself comfortably next to Ron in a way that made him the first to be seen by someone who entered the room. When he was finally ready to go back to sleep he started to look around.

“Do you think it’s possible that it was Lisa’s voice?”

Ron almost choked. Neville winced as he saw Ron’s eyes triple, no, quadruple in size: they were almost as big as a watermelon. 

“Lisa? Turpin? I guess it could be.”

If the voice they heard was Lisa’s then she was probably with Tracey. And Ron did not want to know why she was moaning then.

“What a mood killer, he grumbled.”

Neville laughed. Their eyes for a second and it felt like a quiet understanding was shared between the two of them. Neville looked away quickly and Ron could not see his pink face but he had guessed the fair boy was not very fair anymore.

“I am sorry, he said.”

He barely knew why he was saying sorry, he did not regret stopping before something happened. Neville gave him a nudge.

“Don’t apologize. I am sure you can’t even tell me what you are sorry for.”

Ron giggled. He was not surprised to have been found out, after all they had known each other’s for seven years.

“If you want to be sorry for something you can do something to me.”

Neville stopped. He paused and thought back on his words and suddenly started shouting while still trying to be quiet.

“Oh my, no. No! I did not mean that. I didn’t think it would sound so naughty. It wasn’t on purpose.”

Ron smirked. He liked to see Neville all flustered, breathless, trying to explain himself; he looked so pure. Ron did something he immediately regretted. 

He kissed the blonde. As their tongue intertwined, Ron felt his body melt. Neville put his hand on Ron’s neck as to make sure he would not go away, when he felt it Ron almost bit the boy because he wanted to laugh. They continued to kiss for a few seconds. When Neville finally set him free Ron succumbed to his need to laugh.

Seeing his friend laughing in from of him, after having kissed him, Neville wanted to make a fuss. He disliked being made fun of by his friends.

“Why are you having so much fun, he asked with a pouting face.”

Ron asked for forgiveness by giving Neville another kiss. This one was less clumsy, Neville was aggressive, he bit Ron’s lips when they started to part. Ron was displeased, he backed away and hit the vile mouth twice.

“No biting.”

Neville looked at him with a sparkle in his eyes, he was very obviously not going to follow this rule. Ron let him kiss his neck, he felt his tongue tickling his skin, it was rough, he could not help but close his eyes as his hands struggled to find their way to the smooth light hair. He caressed them, his fingers were sliding without difficulties between the strands. He felt saliva on his collarbone and a hand sliding down his stomach. 

He felt his body stiffen as he realised how much he messed up. Neville seemed to have notice how Ron had closed himself. He looked up.

“We went too far, he said, I will just go to sleep and let’s act like it never happened. I shouldn’t have accepted you. You obviously don’t want it, don’t force yourself.”

Ron looked at the ceiling. He could hear Neville moving his stuff away and go to sleep. All over his body he could still feel a lingering heat, it had made him shiver in pleasure before but now he was disgusted by himself. Saliva. A lot of it, all over his bust. His ears was filled with echoes of the sounds they had made.

He felt like puking now. He had made a big mistake. A few minutes before they kissed Ron had been thinking about how badly he needed to restrain himself from doing so. But he did. If only he had not done it. If only he had followed his brain’s orders, they were rational, logical. Now he did not know what he needed to do.

Let’s act like it never happened.

Ron thought about it. Neville was okay with it, he was the one that proposed to forget about it. But it did not fell right. 

And now it was too late, they were going to be hurt.


	10. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is definitely not trying to run away from his problems. He would never do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like uploading a short chapter and maybe finally introduce the real story. The one I had prepared exactly three months ago.

Ron woke up two hours after he managed to fall asleep. He did not feel tired, not like he had felt before. Actually he felt restless, maybe the huge dark circles under his eyes wanted to prove him wrong but he felt very awake so he decided to go out. He went outside the castle, he slowly walked toward the Quidditch pitch, it felt like the days he went to train there. Carefree, he wasn’t back then but at least it was better than now when he knew too much about life, and death. His eyes were watery as a cold wind blew on his face or maybe it was caused by the sorrow enveloping his heart. As soon as he had walked out his nose and hands had become frozen, he felt like a walking corpse. He shivered and attempted to warm himself and an urge to run invaded his mind. Therefore he did. He ran. His lungs burning, a wildfire was spreading through his body. His cheeks were so hot it made his cold nose warmer. He felt exhausted quickly, he was not used to it, wild runs were not his thing but they were therapeutic, or at least cathartic. Soon he entered the Forbidden Forest. In the past coming here made him scared, but not this time. This time he was too focused on his heartbeat and his ragged breathing. His legs were aching, he felt ready to collapse. Never in his life he had felt so much pain, never in his life had harmed himself in such a way. He felt like a wild beast, running if not flying through the threatening trees. The deeper he was in the forest the more he felt like he would never come back. His mind was full of everything but it was empty of worries. 

He needed that. Not worrying.

Ron finally stopped, so suddenly he fell down, smashing his head on the ground. He laid on the earth beneath him. The world belonged to him in the short instant he spent in this posture. He could hear the wind and the beasts of the forest, he could feel the soil and leaves under him, and the air brought a whole new world to his nostrils. Ron stayed here, on the ground, he laughed to his stupidity as his muscles tried to get revenge. His legs hurt him the most, it felt like they were tearing themselves from the interior. He could not help but imagine small wizards in his legs shooting spells all over the place, making a mess, those little pests.

He felt hurt stomach hurt from giggling too much, and somehow he felt like a kid again.


	11. The letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear is a paralysing feeling and Ron is overcome by it, and maybe Draco Malfoy is right when he says Ron is not entirely Gryffindor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days. The end of the world is coming... (Three is we count The Loners’ update)

Ron silently waited for Harry to wake up. He had already packed everything, it seemed strange, unusual. He was almost eager for the school year to start. Probably because he knew what to say to Neville now. He had thought it over. Fear had paralysed him before, the longing eyes which pierced through him were too difficult to tolerate. He had left before the headmistress send them home. Hermione had stared at him with a quizzical look, her face was soft, maybe she had understood something. Harry followed him, he did not ask any questions but deep down he was probably worried.

His mom was already up, the tumult coming from the kitchen surprisingly reached the room. Ron was ready and maybe he should have gone to eat breakfast but he wanted to wait for his friend. Harry was snoring, sometimes he would mumble something about one thing or another. Ron felt an urge to bother him, maybe nudge him or pull his hair. He debated on the best course of action and decided to put books on his head. He always slept on his side making himself vulnerable to any attacks planned by his sly friends. The Gryffindors’ dormitory was always full of gleeful screams, sweet insults, tactful jokes, the boys felt brave enough to sneakily prepare pranks everyday week or so.

The first book he tried to balance on Harry’s head was a small one, muggle poetry, he had put stickers on pages of the poems he liked and in the process lost them to the boy’s face. The second one was bigger, he hadn’t read it yet though it was on his bedside table, it was a wizard’s retelling of some tales he remembered having read in his childhood. Already the pile looked ready to tumble. The closest thing to a book he grabbed after was the Daily Prophet. A smirk covered his face as he was Harry’s face on top of Harry’s head.

A knock was heard from outside the room. Before Ron could even say anything Ginny entered the room. He looked at her, She looked at him. Then she walked over and put a big book she had bought for school on top of Harry’s head. The boy was still sleeping soundly.

“Maybe he is dead, she remarked in a low voice.”

“Maybe he is.”

Ron put a booklet he had gotten from Hermione about English literature and how to analyse it. The pile was actually quite well balanced now. Maybe it was Ginny’s doing, maybe he was just extremely talented to balance things on Harry’s head. Ginny smiled softly, a veil of melancholy covered her face as she stood up.

“Are you okay, he asked her while putting his hand over his cheek.”

She nodded and promptly pushed his hand away to grab his neck.

“Sure is. Come down. Let’s see if this idiot even realise he has books on his head.”

Ron led the way as Ginny carefully closed the door without making a sound. They walked downstairs quietly, they did not communicate silently, none of them was obvious enough to be able to understand what the other meant to say. When they had something to say, they were direct, never too straightforward. But it also meant they lied to each other.

Molly welcomes her son with a warm hug. The table was set and it seemed like Ginny already ate her breakfast. She was busy putting all kind of things in her suitcase: books, shawls, scarfs, uniforms...

“It feels strange, it’s already our last year.”

Molly smiled at her daughter’s words. She probably felt the same way. Next year, all of their children would have grown up.

“I did not expect to end up in the same grade as my sister, he said jokingly.”

His words left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth that even the toast with jam he was eating could not cover.

“I did not expect it either, but I did not expect to have lived my life this way. I mean, we fought Voldemort and his Death Eaters. And we won.”

Molly frowned, remembering the events of the last few years always had this effect on her.

“Ron, dear, will you wake Harry up?”

He finished the small pastry he had stuffed in his mouth and went back upstairs. When he opened the door he was surprised to find Harry awake, he was looking at the family owl in front of him.

“Mum says breakfast is ready.”

Ron hesitated to speak but he felt it was necessary for him to take care of his friend.

“You are unhappy. What do you want to do?”

Harry looked surprised. He tilted his head, he thought it would help him think, it did not.

“That’s an unconventional way of asking someone what is wrong.”

“I’m not asking you what’s wrong with you, I’m asking what do you what to do so i can help you.”

Harry hugged his friend. Ron smiled as he saw the owl fly away, it had left a letter and bread crumbs everywhere.

“Who is sending you letters? Is it a girl?”

Harry detached himself from the ginger. He chuckled as he gave the letter to Ron.

“Not mine. It’s yours.”

The neat handwriting on the letter looked very different from his friends. Surely it wasn’t Harry because he wrote messily and he never wrote in cursive. Hermione wrote in script but she often left smudges of ink everywhere because she would add things after reading her letters again. Neville wrote had probably ten different ways of writing every single letter of the alphabet and often used at least three of them when writing so it wasn’t him either. Dean and Seamus had very similar handwriting, they both wrote in block letters, it was quite neat but often full of mistakes, Seamus was especially bad at writing, he mixed up a lot of different letters.

“Is it Tracey or Lisa, he asked Harry”

The boy looked clueless and simply shrugged before he joined the girls around the table. Ron opened the envelope. The letter inside was just as neatly written as the envelope. He knew he could read the signature first and then the letter but something pushed him to read the letter first.

_Dear Ron,_

_I do not wish to lie to you, I felt reluctant to write to you. Pride was blinding me, it had already done so for many years. I should probably apologise, I must apologise but wouldn’t it be meaningless? I hurt you deeply, I created a wound in your heart, and nothing I can say will heal it._

_The reason I decided to write to you is that my friends love you. It wounded my ego. Looking at you, I felt jealousy, from the first time I saw you to this day. Maybe I hated you before I even met you. I had been taught you were a traitor, that I should not associate myself to you. But now I feel is the right time to do so._

_I am glad my friends love you. I am thankful that you are loyal, you are almost too Hufflepuff for your own good. You and your friends are the same, not real Gryffindors but not even close to being any other house. Maybe it shows the flaws in the sorting. Maybe it just shows we change._

_It’s better if I don’t go too off tangent. I am thankful you can be here for them. I love them deeply, getting so close to losing them made me realise this fact. You should get this letter not long before the start of the school year so I can tell you it’s going to be a difficult, different year._

_Maybe me writing to you today has already made today different._

_I do not desire to get along with you this year. It will be best if you do not answer nor seek after me, I will keep to myself, not stir up trouble therefore I expect the same of you._

Then there was a part where the beautiful handwriting was covered by large streaks of ink. It was a terrible attempt at making it impossible to read. In fact most of it was still readable.

_I also wanted to say thank you to you for..._

The rest was very well covered so Ron gave up trying to read it.

_Regards,_

_Draco Lucius Malfoy_

_P.S: Tracey told me it was okay to call you Ron. She also said you were a whiny baby. I believe I should let you know._

Ron would have loved to have found it easier to laugh to Tracey’s words but the fact that Draco Malfoy sent him a letter left him disturbed, uneasy. He gently folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. He felt his heart hurt a little s he reread his name, it was written so carefully, almost as if Draco, or Malfoy, he did know what to call him, had meant to gain some time.

Ron collected his things and went downstairs where his family was waiting. He still needed to ponder over this kind of insulting letter but this did not felt like the right time. Harry looked over at him as soon as he stepped into the kitchen.

“So whose letter was that?”

Ginny, still packing her stuff, lifted an eyebrow. She tried to act nonchalantly, to look like she was minding her own business but Ron knew she was listening very carefully and it reinforced his unwillingness to say it was Draco. He would rather not mention this person in front of his family.

“I don’t know, they did not sign it and the letter is nonsense.”

He did not like to lie and lately lying seemed the only thing he could do. Fear was taking over again. Fear of losing everything, everyone.

“Ginny, Molly whined, we need to get going. Pack quickly.”

Ron smiled as his sister grumbled. Harry looked at him, despair filling his eyes, he had not packed either. How wonderful.


	12. Complicated heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation Ron had with Neville doesn’t go quite as expected creating a strong sense of confusion in Ron’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up when I posted this chapter. I posted it with the last chapter. Anyway I did not feel inspired so I wrote very little. I wrote 6,000 words for another fic but I was stuck here... That’s more of a filler than a real chapter but it’s necessary to have fillers to understand a character soooo okay.

Ron saw Hermione first. She was talking eagerly to Neville who looked a little tired but still listened carefully to every single word that came out of her mouth. Harry waved at them but they did not see him. Ginny called them out, Molly had left already so they were going to go into the train anyway. Hermione almost jumped when she heard her name. Neville lazily glanced over, his eyes widened as he saw the girl and the boys. Ron smiled awkwardly, he lifted his hand a little bit and moved it in a way that looked almost like a wave.

“Let’s go, Ginny ordered.”

Ron was the last to follow, right after Neville. They got on board and the small company talked jokingly as they entered a compartment. Ron grabbed Neville wrist, maybe too forcefully he understood from the blonde’s wince.

“Can we talk?”

Neville freed his wrist. His eyebrows were knitted. At first he seemed unwilling to answer, anger covered his face and it meant not to leave. 

“I would rather not, he finally blurted out.”

His voice was not convincing. At first he had sounded like a shrieking mouse, but he was still capable of beating Ron so the ginger did not want to fight.

“I am sorry Ron. It just won’t happen. We both know it. I… I don’t want to recall what happened, my feelings are genuine and I just want to move on now. You probably meant to say something like that’s not happening, and I know. I just don’t want to have false hope from you being nice to me.”

Ron was flabbergasted. He wanted to disappear. Those words hurt, they hit at the right place.

“I hate to say this, he was whispering without realising his voice was so low, but you are right. Thanks mate.”

Deep down Ron had hoped Neville would retort that saying mate now, after a very languorous, yet embarrassingly bad kiss, was the least normal thing to do, or maybe he had expected him to cry in anger and yell until his voice broke but instead he smiled and went inside the compartment.

And Ron was left alone.

He stared at the closed door in front of him. He learnt every detail of it, printing them forever in an area of his brain. He learnt how the red paint was fading in this area, how someone had probably tried to cut or at least scratch it with a blade. He remarked that the golden paint was not the exact same every where, sometimes it got closer to a kind of green. He felt quite small.

So he started moving. He would have run if he could but walking was the best he could do for now. He had the time to go to the rear of the train, then back at the very first carriage, and so back and forth for a few times before he met someone he knew. 

His empty eyes encountered the familiar face and they did not react until the person called out a name:

“Draco. If I have to blast the door open, I will do it.”

Tracey hit the door with her hand, very insistingly. She looked neutral, which was unusual. Her emotions were always all over the place. Happiness made her beam, anger made her face turn red, sadness had her eyes become fountains, embarrassment left her quiet and reserved. But right now she looked just as empty as Ron.

“Draco. That’s my last warning, she said impatiently.”

Ron did not know why he did that but he walked over and knocked on the doorframe. If he had looked at Tracey he could have seen her jolt awake when she realised it was him. 

“Open, he had asked firmly.”

And the door opened itself. A look of shock covered the passengers’ face. Draco was seated next to the window, in front of him on the floor Pansy was scribbling on a book. Next to them was someone he assumed was Daphne. Blaise was on the other seat holding Sophie with one hand and Milicient with the other. Incomprehension had taken over the Slytherins. Draco has turned white, probably remembering the letter Ron had in his pocket. The stupor was broken by Tracey gliding in. She sat in the space left between Daphne and Draco. Ron stood there for a short moment before he realised where he was. His gaze fell upon Tracey.

“I got a letter.”

She seemed a bit hesitant, but she did not seem to know what he was talking about.

“Yes? What was it about?”

He glanced at Draco who had flushed. Maybe Tracey was not the only one who had her heart on her sleeve.

“Do I whine a lot?”

Her eyebrows almost jumped out her face. Ron seemed ready to jump out at any moment and the hand Pansy had put on his thigh helped conclude he would not.

“Yes, you do tend to whine.”

He looked just as lost as before, but the other passengers in the compartment were likely more confused than he was.

“Amazing, he said in a choked voice.”

Tracey was about to answer when Ron turned around and left. Everyone turned toward the girl with their perplexed look but no matter how much she thought about it she had no explanation to give them.

Ron walked back to his compartment. He was met by Ginny and Harry, outside the door. They looked relieved when they saw him coming back.

“Where were you, his sister yelled too loudly not to bother anyone, I was worried sick!”

Ron chuckled, not loud enough for her to hear. He would never tell her but she grew to resemble their mother more and more.

“Sorry, he said, I was just walking.”

~-~-~~-~-~

Luna was surprised to see Ron alone. She did not comment on it, when he came to her but the face she made when she looked at him betrayed her real thoughts.

“Are you okay?”

“No, he answered.”

“I see. Do you want to talk about it?”

Talking to Luna was easy, she always guessed a lot of what he thought without being able to phrase it in the right way. Even though he did not want to talk she would somehow find a way to have him speak for much longer than he thought he could. She made him feel at ease.

“I think I got dumped.”

She took his hand in hers. She was cold, which was not a surprising fact seeing it was windy and she wore a very light dress with flower pattern. It was long so the bottom flew as the wind blew, hitting Ron’s legs. He tried to contain his irritation when it slapped his legs for the umpteenth time.

“Oh. I’m sorry for you Ron. What happened?”

“I am still quite confused about it. Nothing happened but it still feels like a betrayal. He told me to just forget it, forget what happened before between us. When I agreed with him I thought he would get mad at me for not being more forceful, not fight for him. As soon as I saw him my heart had melted and any thoughts about leaving him had left me but it’s because he can bring me security and it would be unfair for him to have to bear with me because I am egoistic and don’t want to get hurt trying something with someone I don’t know.”

When he finally finished talking he was breathless. He was panting and his heart beat a little too fast. Thankfully Luna’s hand was making him less anxious. She would press her palm against his while nodding her head which made her look dumb but Ron was grateful she took the time to listen to him and try to understand him.

“Ron, I think you should be careful when it comes to dating. You are not the only one involved in it, people get hurt. That’s why breakups are so hard to forget… It’s never easy to intertwine two lives.”

Ron felt a tear roll down his cheek. That was it. He was bursting out. All of the feelings he was concealing for the last months flew down on his face. Luna pulled him closer to her in a tight hug. She had to balance herself on her feet to try to see his face. She was too good to read facial clues to give up on this special communication.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Let it out.”

Ron was too concentrated on his feelings to even care about his loud sobs. He felt so many conflicting feelings all at once. It was annoying because he couldn’t sort out any of them so he was left with a big pile of emotions. He was sad, and angry, happy that he had someone to talk to, depressed by his own indecisiveness, tired of everything being so complicated and more importantly melancholy.

And somehow through the tumult of his feelings he managed to make sense of it all when he felt the letter he had received this morning in his pocket.

He slowly walked away from the girl. Her blond hair was flowing in the wind as she fondly looked at him. He gathered enough courage to smile when she caressed his cheek but if faded quickly when he heard Harry and Hermione call them from behind.

“Will you need a tissue, she asked without minding the two others’ screams, or some water maybe?”

He shook his head and grabbed her hand. She smiled at him as he led her toward the group of friends.

“We have to go, Harry said as the carriages arrived.”

Everyone turned to him, exasperation covering their faces even Ron could not handle his friend’s obvious observation. Harry looked confused by the others’ judging faces but decided to brush it off and hop in a carriage. Hermione pushed Ron inside before she joined them. Ron was surprised to find the carriage unchanged. It was not shocking but he expected it to be different for some reason. Not that he complained, in fact he was reassured by the familiarity of the scene. His two best friends and him in this carriage was that most normal thing that happened today. He sighed. He was nervous, probably even more than the first time he came to Hogwarts. He joined his friends chitchat, smiling all the way to the ears.


	13. Mad Slytherins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron would like to understand why the Slytherins are either crazy or probably going to try to kill him. He also wants to understand who decided of the new dorm arrangement, he accepts the fact that it’s supposed to be random for now but still hate the person that agreed to it.

When he heard his name pronounced by the headmistress Ron thought he was going to faint. Of course he had to be in the same dorm as Neville, did he really expect anything else to happen? He looked over to Luna but she payed him no heed. Ron winced as he remembered his new roommates were Ernest Macmillan, Michael Corner and of course the only other person with them had to be Blaise Zabini. Knowing he had to live with Zabini was probably worse than spending all his time with Neville but the worst part was the fact that they were going to stay in the Hufflepuff’s dorms. 

“Well, Seamus said, at least you don’t have Draco in your dorm.”

He gestured to Harry and Dean. Both looked so pissed that they had to share a dorm with Malfoy. When Seamus finally got called he ended up looking even gloomier. 

“Ron. Let’s swap. I would rather die than share a room with Roger Malone.”

“Then die, Ron growled.”

He was definitely not going to avoid Neville by moving in with Malone. The rest of the boys were called, they would stay in the Ravenclaw dorms meaning the Slytherins did not have any eight years in their dorm. Ron did not want to ask questions about it but he found it mysterious.

“Tracey Davis, McGonagall continued.”

She looked at Ron, visibly disappointed. He guessed staying at the Gryffindors’ dorms could be intimidating, or maybe awkward for her as a Slytherin. The rivalry had been quite strong between the two houses. No girl from the Gryffindors ended up in their own dorm, which could happen considering the fact that the sleeping arrangements were done at random. 

“There are so many Slytherin girls that came back but so little boys, Hermione remarked while she turned toward the table which had been deserted by most of its usual students, I wonder if anyone else will be returning after that.”

Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini were silently sitting next to one another. The girls which surrounded them were all eighth years, some seventh and sixth years had stayed to hear about the new dorm situation. Ron had being used to the table being loud and obnoxious, Harry’s name or even his would often be screamed at the top of one’s lungs but today it was unusually quiet. Death seemed to have made the students fall asleep.

“And Lisa Turpin, she concluded before the paper turned into ashes causing a wave of awe from the first years at the Ravenclaw table.”

Ron looked over Lisa, she seemed glad to stay in her dorm. Hermione was to live with her. Fay Dunbar would be with them too, meaning Eon would be able to talk to her. Plus Seamus could try to convince her to play Quidditch, Ron would entrust this task you him.

“Let’s go, Neville said, we still have to go pick our in-charge.”

Ron had almost forgotten about the in-charge role they had created to make the transition easier. McGonagall had invented this position to have an equivalent to the Prefect now that the eight years were kind of mixed together. She had decided it would be better to sort randomly in the dorms since the Slytherins could not keep anymore students in theirs.

Ron got up and followed Neville. He knew where the dorm was but he knew Neville would probably not have to picture the castle entirely to find his way. He was wrong. After a while of going back and forth they stopped in a staircase that was going up. Ron hesitated but he finally made sure the blonde actually knew where they were.

“So, are we going to go through the corridor then up the stairs, the one’s I helped build? Or you would rather take another staircase?”

Neville’s eyes widened as he mumbled he had no clue. Ron cursed himself for believing in Neville, he had always been terrible at remembering things so it was logical for him not to be able to get to an unknown dorm.

“Do you need help, a deep, cavernous voice asked from behind them.”

They turned around to see Blaise Zabini. If Ron had had to describe him he would have said he looked like shit. His hair had grown a lot, it was neglected, oily and dirty. His arms were covered by blue and purple bruises and the smirk on in face gave him a pervy look.

“No. I don’t need help, Neville answered coldly, Ron and I are fine on our own.”

Ron sighed and gave a nudge to Neville. He knew he would not find the dorms alone, Tracey was a nice girl so he hoped Blaise would turn out to be okay.

“Actually we do need help. Can you lead us to the Hufflepuff dorms.”

Blaise’s smirk widened. He was a wicked boy and Ron, unaware of his character, just let him become almighty. Of course he would led them there, after all Neville was one of his closest friend.

“Follow me Weasel.”

Ron turned red. He knew he had to be grateful, Blaise was not being a complete arsehole by showing them the way. He expired to calm himself down. Neville looked pissed but he still followed the two boys.

“So, where are my chocolates?”

Ron was confused. The question was obviously not directed to him but Neville did not answer it. Blaise seemed a bit out of it, was he talking to himself?

“Come on, answer. You can not deny sending him food. I saw it. After leaving me hanging. I was waiting for you.”

Again no answer. As they walked Ron remembered a little how to get to the dorm. It was surprising that Blaise of all people knew where it was and something in Ron’s mind told him not to ask if he wanted to like Blaise.

“I am so horny right now... Weasel, would you be a dear and give me a quickie?”

Ron almost hit him, he really wanted to. Instead of his neck the bruise would be on his beautiful, shiny face.

“Ron. Don’t answer him.”

Neville grabbed the freckled hand with a dry smile. Ron blushed, he laughed at his stupidity. He acted like a middle schooler who had her first crush but he did of was in a way.

“I won’t. Zabini, would you mind calling me Weasley or Ron.”

Suddenly the dark boy stopped. His mouth twitched. His cold stare fell upon Ton and suddenly his face seemed less lively than before. Suddenly he looked more like a snake, glaring at its prey.

“I would rather not. Don’t think too highly of yourself Weasel. I am simply tolerating you. Tracey the traitor may love you but do not think it makes you any better. In fact it makes you even lower ranked in my mind. Now if we can continue.”

This time it was too much of Ron he strengthened his grip on Neville and stormed off without looking back at the Slytherin. Neville was relieved. He liked Ron and he wished the other Gryffindor never learnt about his nasty side. 

“Okay, I know how to go there from now. Come on Neville. It won’t be long.”

They found it fairly quickly. When they entered the room they were greeted by Ernest Macmillan and Michael Corner. They were already acquainted because they were part of Dumbledore’s Army but Ron never really got to know them. The two boys had taken a bunk bed, it was close to the bathroom. In the middle of the room there was a single bed, slightly larger than the others and next to it another bunk bed.

“You can go wherever you want, Ernest said, I took the bed I had last year. I like when things don’t change much.”

“I understand, Ron replied, I would rather be in the Gryffindor’s dorms... It’s a bit weird to be in your dorms. But I like the Common Room, it’s welcoming. Who grows the plants?”

“We usually do, it depends. You should welcome us in your Common Room once.”

“If you want to, we can go to the Ravenclaw Tower too, the view is stunning, Michael proposed, you will love it.”

Neville agreed to it. He still had not moved and Neville did not want to pick a bed first, he considered it too impolite. The conversation continued on how it was useless to use surnames since they were going to share the same room for a year. They were interrupted by a loud noise when the door smashed into the wall. Blaise walked in. He was frowning and the corner of his mouth were down. He looked at them for a few seconds and settled on the bunk bed. He took the low bunk.

“Hello.”

All eyes who had been fixed on him averted themselves. Neville went over the bunk bed so Ron grabbed his arm. 

“You don’t have to, he whispered, I can handle him. Look he is still alive after we talked for five minutes.”

Neville shook his head. He especially did not want Ron to talk to Blaise. Firstly because he would get jealous, secondly because Ron would smash his head and thirdly because he knew Blaise could and would get into Ron’s pants. He needed to take action and prevent his own unhappiness.

“It’s okay Ron, you don’t have to be selfless. I am used to him.”

Ron let Neville go. Convincing him would be pointless, Gryffindors rarely backed down. He took the last bed. Ernest gave him a pitying look and offered to make him some tea. Ron declined it and after he put away his stuff he left. The Gryffindor Tower was quite far away, you had to go all the way up, but seeing Harry and Hermione he felt like the trip was worth it.

“I can finally talk to you, he said as soon as they noticed him, I met my new dorm mates.”

“So did we, so did we Ron...”

Ron sat on the sofa in between them. It felt much better to be in his Common Room than in the Hufflepuff’s even if the latter was comfy.

“Don’t be so cynical Hermione. They aren’t that bad. Draco minds his own business and the others are nice.”

“That’s because you don’t live with Daphne Greengrass. She hissed when I tried to talk to her. She hissed Harry. She. Hissed.”

“Please. You haven’t talked to Zabini yet. He asked me to give him a quickie.”

“He did what now, Harry wailed, how did he even get to talk about that?”

“He does not need to have something linked to it first he only need to ask for it.”

“Greengrass hissed at me. Come on, don’t tell me you’re not scandalised.”

“Move on Hermione. Ron got hit on by Zabini.”

“I wasn’t hit on. He is just a dick.”

“The only dick he is is the one you’ll suck.”

“Harry, Hermione barked, don’t.”

“I won’t suck his dick. But your arsehole for sure.”

Harry laughed and kicked Ron’s face with his foot. Hermione sighed, she threw a quill at Harry to make him quiet.

“Anyway, I don’t know how to choose the in-charge. I don’t see why they had to create a new category. The Prefects could have done a good job already.”

“The in-charges don’t apply the same rules I think. McGonagall agreed to be more lenient on us, Harry explained, really that woman is too kind for us.”

“Totally. Minerva is the most gentle person I know, Ron added.”

Hermione started pouting. She disapproved of Harry and Ron’s way of acting like the teachers were their friends. She often talked about boundaries and how they should not be crossed.

“Prefects should be able to apply any rule, she complained, that’s their role.”

“Hermione, I am sure you are dying to be an in-charge so don’t act all cool and detached, Ron laughed.”

“That’s so true. I will vote for Dean. This way I can sweet talk him into helping me out. Who are you voting for?”

“I guess Neville. He can mediate between us and Zabini. He sleeps on top of him.”

“You have bunks too, Hermione asked, I wondered if it was only the Ravenclaws.”

“We have bunks too. Maybe to save place. I don’t understand what they did… Do you think the Slytherins have bunks too.”

“No, we don’t, Pansy Parkinson’s voice said, but it’s none of your business Potter. Now will you please tell me if you saw Milicent?”

Hermione was exasperated by the Slytherins’ behaviour. Everyone tries their best to get along but they acted all high and mighty. They walked around with their proud face and scornful smiles.

“We did not see her but good morning to you too Parkinson.”

“You’re lying. I don’t like liars Granger, do you know what I do to them?”

“Listen Parkinson, we don’t have a clue about her whereabouts, and if we did it would do us no good to conceal this information.”

“I hurt them, Granger, I hurt them very badly.”

“Will you please shut up, Ron roared, leave Hermione alone. We don’t have anything to do with Bulstrode so stop bothering us.”

Pansy went white. She was enraged, Ron was surprised she did not jump on him to bite his head off but he was thankful she did not. Instead she did something that disturbed him greatly.

“Ron Weasley. I do not wish to but it’s for the better if I tell you. Be careful of Blaise. It’s better if you don’t let him close to you. You don’t want to become his bitch, do you?”

Hermione felt a rush of hotness in her face. That was it, one more word and Parkinson would end up on the ground, her face bloody from a well-meaning punch. Harry sensed her fury and placed his hand on her shoulder to restrain her. It would have been fun to see her get mad at Parkinson but not on the first day.

“Parkinson. Just go before we get really angry, Ron concluded.”

She frowned and stared at him for a brief instant before she turned around. Her cape caused the creation of a gust of air which made their hairs messy. Ron sighed, if the Slytherins did not calm down, it wouldn’t be long before the other houses allied to beat the shit out of them. He closed his eyes and felt Hermione’s hand on his cheek.

“I’m okay, I just really want to get rid of them. They keep bothering us. Zabini, Greengrass, Parkinson even Dr-Malfoy.”

“Did you just call Malfoy by his name, Harry teased, Ron, I did not realise he was one of your lovers too.”

Ron was about to get mad at Harry and start yelling at when Neville came in. Ron saw scratches on his face, deep, fresh and bloody. He wondered what had happened to the boy to be in such a poor state. 

“Hermione, would you be kind enough to help with this?”

She nodded, worry covered her face and her small pouting mouth Ron could tell a question burned her lips.

“Why haven’t you gone to Poppy, I mean Madam Pomfrey, Harry asked.”

Ron knew perfectly why, he did not agree with Neville but he understood him. Getting into trouble the first day was always pretty scary, he had already done it. Being friends with Harry Potter meant trouble in general which was already scary, if there was one thing Ron was not it was a troublemaker. Of course unlike Percy he liked to break rules but he did not like trouble. He liked when he could get away from trouble. And another thing he did not like was bullies not being punished.

“Harry. It’s okay. I am barely hurt. Hermione can help me with this much.”

The boy did not add anything, he wanted to but when he met Ron’s eyes he understood asking anything else would not help. He would learn more by staying silent. Instead he decided de talk about something else.

“I dreamed about Dumbledore’s Army a few days ago. We were back in fifth year and we were practicing, he said, it made me remember how we used to be almost normal. As normal as one can be during times like this I guess.”

“It was a safe place for a lot of us at the beginning, Neville added, we were free from the teachers, free from the difficulties we were facing... But last year. Last year…”

Ron grabbed his hand. Tears were already coming to Neville’s eyes. Of course he would cry. Because he was there last year and he suffered, alongside the other DA members. He saw what they did not see. The war affected him too, just not in the same way.

“It’s okay Ron, Ginny’s voice declared, you don’t need to hold him like a baby. He is used to crying. He often did last year. We felt guilty. Because we saw the others get hurt for us.”

“No for us, Neville corrected, for freedom. To free the innocent from the claws of evil.”

Ginny nodded. She smiled at Neville and gave him a tissue to wipe his cheeks. She gave a gentle tap on Ron’s hand to make him let go and took a seat in an armchair near them. Harry could not take his eyes off her. She was happy or at least she looked happy, just like before.

“So how are the dorms arranged this year? I did not stay for this part of the speech. I had to go meet some friends.”

“As popular as ever, Hermione commented with a smirk on her face, well I am in the Ravenclaw’s dorm so I will get to meet Luna more often I guess.”

“I am still here, with Dean, Terry and Justin... and Malfoy.”

“I am confused, why is everyone in different dorms?”

“Oh, they sorted us in random dorms, Neville clarified, I am in the Hufflepuff’s with your brother, Ernest, and... Michael. There’s also Zabini but let’s not talk about him.”

Ginny frowned. She exchanged a furious glance with Neville who seemed to be nervous but Ron did not understand anything of the exchange. He decided not to think about it and looked away. Just as he got ready to talk again he saw Draco Malfoy.

Shock covered his face as he watched the blonde boy run through the Common Room. He felt this face blush as he stared at the thin, white legs of the boy. If Draco ever came to hear about Ron even glancing at his legs he would probably kill him but of course he would not be able to look away from it. Draco always wore robes, beautiful, clean, expensive, ones so why was he wearing, not even jeans but muggle’s sport shorts today. 

The others seemed to have noticed Draco, in fact, everybody seemed to have noticed Draco storming off but it probably had more to do with the loud voices that followed him that his lack of clothing. Ron tried to find something else to focus on. Parkinson and Bulstrode were the perfect way to forget about his eyes lingering on Draco Malfoy’s legs.

They were red and their voice were loud in the loudest way a whisper can be. They barely listened to the other, their mouths were moving at an incredible speed at the same time. Parkinson seemed to be winning whatever fight they were having while they hurried after Draco. Ron could tell from the way her face was twisted in anger that if Bulstrode did not shut up soon enough she would tear her face off her body.

They soon disappeared from the room and Ron was finally able to look back at his friends. They exchanged some clueless glances before going back to talking. This year was promising.


End file.
